Do You Believe in Magic?

C'mon, I know you are singing along and just can't remember the next line. It's okay though...I can't either. The Chicago public library (CPL) has a lot going for it. Of course it has some downsides too...what organization doesn't. However, every once in a while they hit the jackpot. For example, CPL offers free passes to over a dozen of the most popular, and some you may have not heard of, museums in Chicago. That means you don't have to shell out some insane amount for parking in addition to an entrance fee. Even better is ...

The rest of this post can be found HERE and click here for more info on this magician.

Shabbat Shalom

This is so fun. You can't help but smile when you hear or watch it.
Enjoy and Shabbat Shalom!

Memories (Picture This)

First of all, you should know that this is Me. As in, the one swadled quite cozily in the blanket. As memories go, this was perhaps my first. After having my own kids...I think this strikes up a whole batch of new memories. I really love this pic and something about the fact that my Dad is holding me seems extra special, especially in the 60's. Don't feel bad Mom, I know you took the pic and in the way of Baby books, I didn't pull the long straw so thank you for snapping this shot.

Check out other Thursday Themes at Picture This

Well Done RH Girl

I know we are several holiday past Rosh Hashana. However, this was so well done, with exception to the end, that I had to share. Enjoy - and thanks to ImaBima


Click here for Lyrics.

AbraCadabra....Woof!

Halloween is a fun holiday, but not one I've always loved...even my kids just "sort of" like it. Don't get me wrong...they love candy but my oldest didn't even want to wear his costume. He eventually saw his friends having fun and then put his on and also joined in the action, I just don't know what it is about this crazy holiday. However, the sense of brotherhood between my guys was just what I've always hoped for. My oldest even loved putting the makeup freckles on my youngest...It was pretty great to witness. Perhaps the moon of Halloween is what we needed.

This was my youngest first trick or treating experience and I think this picture captures his awe of the whole experience. Plus, you should know, everytime someone handed him a piece of candy...he handed them one. What a sweety. He also thought the bag was filling up by some magic...perhaps that of his brother who also helped to get the candy in his little bro's bag.

the Mommy Ballet

I'm not going to even list an excuse as to why I haven't posted in so long. I'm just going to go with the fact that I post when I can and when time and creativity align. I'm not sure if it's PMS or the parenting world of guilt that are attacking me all at once. I'm sure it's all of the above. I feel like I'm disconnected. From myself, my social life and most of all...my sweet boys. How is it possible that I can work and be a good ENOUGH mother, wife, self? It's an internal battle I have constantly. I feel like their childhood is slipping away. How do I hang on to more of their sweet innocent yumminess? How do I make sure I'm preparing them for adulthood, self assuredness and the big world? How does anyone do it?

Last night I was concentrating on focusing only on them. It felt so good. We had a great evening of playdough and made our own animal train with the noises. At bedtime, they both got into their PJs and washed up and then I created the Mommy Ballet. I picked them each up independently and danced with them the way one dances when noone is looking and sang and spun and got on my tipitoes as well as a few dips and kisses. It sure made up for a crappy day and I think we all slept with smiles. My oldest felt the need to conduct a marriage ceremony for my husband and me. It was very cute and then he wanted us to do the "married dance". How precious. I have to remember this feeling so that I can remind myself that I'm not the worst mother.

Happy 2 Year Old Boy

I can't believe my youngest is two. It sounds so cliche' but I really don't know where 2 years have gone. Little one, you are my giggle guy, my easy sleeper. You have few words but communicate so easily. You LOVE to say my name and your hugs and kisses are hypnotically sweet. You have an uncanny way to brighten any sour mood and I relish coming home to hear you run to me, from anywhere in the house, while singing my name. You are patient with your brother, who isn't always the same with you. You are fiercely independent and think that anything your big, 5 year old brother can do, you can too. You make total strangers smile as you emphatically wave and say "Bye" to anyone you see. You easily make a game out of any small task and you adore washing your hands and wiping the table. It's hard for me to believe that just 9 months ago you were learning to walk. Now, I can't get you to stand still. 9 months before that you were just learning to crawl. Who knows where you will be 9 months from now. You never cease to amaze me. Your disposition is beautiful and I hope you continue to infect everyone with your gorgeous smile and your outrageously sweet laugh! I feel so lucky to have you in my life. I can only hope I steer you towards all the skills you need to stay so happy and peaceful.
I love you my sweet...Mom.

*I've also used this for a BSM...check out others HERE

BSM - FUN

This was just a whim...reminds me of a superman movie when they are locked in those plates of glass in the beginning. There is a great background story here...more to come.

Check out other Best Shot Mondays Here.

Dear Mommy

My weekend involved some a lot of cleaning. Too much I guess because my favorite kindergartener let me know with the use of his wonderful new skills.Dear Mommy, Have fun doing cleaning up the house, I (heart) you. -JK, age 5

BSM-Tickled

This summer I had the pleasure of meeting the ONE, the ONLY, Tracey Clark! I was tickled, to say the least. You rock Sister! Please keep us posted on all your NEW and fun adventures.

Check out other Best Shot Mondays Here.

Summer Silliness

This is the time of year when we often reflect on "What I did for my Summer Vacation". At first, I cringed at the thought that I didn't have anything exciting to report. However, with two kids, how is that ever possible. I've done a lot but my kids made me laugh a lot too. My oldest has come up with some real doozies in recent months.

1. Wheat should not be confused with Weed
VS
While on vacation in Colorado we went hiking. While on our nature walk, my oldest pulled a long piece of wheat from the ground and played with it. He pretended he was a cowboy and put it in his mouth, then it magically turned to a sword and a host of other imagination filled objects. At the end of the hike we headed back to the car and along the way came to a street crossing. If you know 5 year olds, then you know how important it is to them to press the elevator button, the crosswalk button and of course YOUR buttons. So, true to form, he pressed the crosswalk button. In doing so, he dropped his stem of wheat. This crosswalk is also a busy bus stop. Many locals and tourists were waiting for the bus to town. It was early and there was a strange hush while we waited. a moment later, I hear my oldest, quite clearly, say, "Mom, I dropped my Weed". All of us were hysterical. Perhaps the setting of a carefree mountain town made this a more comical moment but regardless, it was a great way to start the day.

2. TRAPPED My oldest found a love for the Backyardigans this summer. I have to say, it's a pretty good show. Even I don't mind having to succumb to it at the repeat frequency of a 5 year old. One of his favorite episodes was about being a detective and a spy. They referred to booby traps and spy gear. He was in heaven. A few days later, he was playing with a balloon. I saw he was putting them up his shirt where they found a home in his chest region. I chose to let him play and not really say anything about it's chosen location.

Just then, he came up with such a brilliant & hysterical comment that I'm glad I wasn't drinking anything at the time. If I were, it would have had no choice but to exit my nose.
He said, "Mommy, look, a booby trap" How clever is that?


3. Lake Michigan There is no doubt that 5 year olds are smart. The other day, we were driving along Lake Michigan and my oldest was inquiring on how the lake gets "full". I made the mistake of getting too technical and tried to discuss evaporation etc. I backed off and discussed that Mother Nature (she) helped to fill the lake with rain. However, he was way more literal. He decided that Mother Nature put 169* buckets of rain into the lake. He was quiet, deep in thought for a moment. Then he said, "Mommy, how does She know when to stop filling the lake? How come it doesn't overflow?" I was speechless. What am I going to do when this child starts having homework?

*169 has been a theme this summer too. It seems to be the BIGGEST number that my oldest can equate to things...all things.

4. Navy Pier I have to say that, in general, Navy Pier is not my first choice of where to spend time. That said, some of my favorite moments this summer have been at "the Pier". BlogHer goes without saying as well as the fireworks that followed. We also enjoyed an impromptu evening with friends on the Ferris Wheel and then dinner at Riva's. Another day we went to see Cirque Shanghai An Amazing show that really does amaze. My oldest and DH enjoyed an afternoon on the Sea Dog. We visited the Children's Museum and even escaped running up a bill at Build a Bear. I haven't cringed about the cost of parking as we've really enjoyed ourselves during each visit. Who would have thought?

We still have one more official day of Summer vacation. I know it won't be at the Pier, however, kite flying is sure to add some stories to our repertoire.

How was YOUR Summer?

Table for 4 please...

It's amazing how time flies. I feel like I refer to it so much that I should have given this blog that title. My younger son will be blowing out two candles on his birthday cake next month. I'm seeing that o so lovable "terrible two's" eeking its way into our already hectic family life. Hubs and I have decided that our family is perfect with the two babes we've got in tow and I'm delighted with the decision. However, I'd be remiss if I didn't say I had a few twinges of a third every now and again. These feelings have come more quickly recently as I watch my youngest grow and reach new independence at lighting speed.

I've always referred to my oldest as a "spirited" child. He is inquisitive and adventurous but still holds on to some caution. My youngest has been quiet and "along for the ride"....until now. For my youngest, his high chair has been a lifesaver when getting a meal prepared or even getting dishes from the sink to the dishwasher. He'd play happily, enjoy a snack or even color. The highchair is now no longer an option. This devilish little guy can crawl up into the highchair on his own. In one turn of your back you can age 10 years as you, frightened to the core, see him standing on his high chair seat. So, bye-bye high chair, hello booster seat. (with a seat belt thank goodness)

The aggravation the missing high chair has caused has allowed my heart to skip a beat and the corners of my mouth rise to make the wrinkles that smiling have developed on my round face. Last night we sat as a family around the dinner table. A Mom and Dad at either end and a child between us on either side. It was so nice. Our family of four around a dinner table, almost no whining and each participant eating their own food on their own plate. With a fork I might add. This mental picture touched me so. Have I grown to be a mother of two boys? Why does this 1950's image make me feel so validated as a mother. I have to confess, I've quickly updated this image to the 21st century as my husband actually cooked the dinner.

I secretly feel a pain as I watch my boys grow, age, learn and become independent of me. One day they will not need me in the same way and I will need them in different ways too. For now, I hope I can be in the moment, savor their childhood and help them learn to play, laugh and of course remember to wash their hands before they come to the dinner table so we can all share our adventures from the day.

This post is cross posted at Chicago Moms Blog

Click your Heels

I'm probably not the first person to discuss the storms Chicago had this past week. However, I found the storm exhilarating and exciting while also being reminiscent of the TV thriller "The Day After". I happened to be driving along the lake when the storm engulfed Chicagoland. It was eerily similar to what I thought a hurricane would be like. I drove around instant lakes, huge tree parts that littered the streets and avoided people that searched for cover and hung on to light posts so as not to blow away. The storm came in an instant and roared it's ugly head upon an unsuspecting urban oasis. I drove maneuvered, white knuckled, several miles home as I made my way through the obstacle course of the aftermath of the storm.

I arrived home to no electricity and my husband and boys who were armed with a shared flashlight under a homemade fort of sofa pillows. We didn't want to panic the kids and although we didn't have a crystal ball, we intended things would be OK and that we would make this experience an "adventure"....

The rest of this post can be found at HERE

BSM Swingin'

I suppose I'm all about archives these days. I can't believe that this is, my now, 5 1/2 year old when he was just 11 months. I love his giggle, can't you hear it? I love my husbands hand pushing...I just love this moment!

Find other Best Shot Mondays HERE

Themed Thurs.-FLYING

I know I've posted this picture before (photo credit goes to my big brother), but It was indeed the first pic that came to mind when Tracey mentioned FLYING.

I suppose if you wanted to get even more literal, I could have used this one ~ when I traveled by myself with the boys and caught this break in an otherwise chaotic trip.

Other Themed Thursdays can be found HERE

BSM - CPA in Training

Future CPA...the little one. It's so nice to see my dad do stuff with my kids that he did with me. Growing up, I was not the best math student. My dad would often help me "check the check" at a restaurant. Here, he and my oldest found an error on the bill. Turns out the check was indeed correct but the $1.60 coffee, wasn't written down. What 5 year old doesn't love buttons - calculator.... a great thing for your restaurant bag of tricks.

Check out other Best Shot Mondays here.

PMS & LIFE Make My Heart Hurt

Have you ever had one of those days weeks when you felt like nothing would ever go right in your world again? I'm hopefully FINISHING up that kind of week. I start a new job tomorrow and I suppose that and a healthy dose of PMS has really made me do some reflecting on my job as a mother, how I am to myself and me in general as a person. First of all, I have to laugh because I just haven't thought of ME as a person in so long. How sad. Another post topic indeed.

Well, DH had to work today. I feel the family is so disjointed when he has to work on the weekends. Today was additionally harried in that my almost 2 year old has been waking at 5am every morning for so long that I can barely function. DH leaves the house about 28 seconds before my youngest starts stirring and then immediately belting out the tears. It's almost as if it's choreographed. Every morning it's the same thing. I scoop him quickly from his bed so as not to wake my oder son. I have dreamy thoughts of snuggling with my young son in my bed as we both drift off to sleep for a couple more hours. EVERY morning I find myself getting more and more cranky as this plan never works. Somehow, in my own self deprecating disturbing way, I blame myself that he's up so early and that I must be a bad mother. My crankyness and raised voice do not help my case any. Don't ask me how I link the two but somehow I make that head trip during PMS each month. Some Visas should never be issued and I wish the governing party of PMS would stop being so generous with theirs.

The fact that it was raining cats and dogs this morning accompanied by phenomenal thunder made me;
a. not want to get out of bed
b. tell my older son that I'd take him to the movie Ratatouille.

I'm sure you aren't surprised to know that 2 hours later the sun had no cloud competition and her rays washed all over the city. Lovingly & thankfully, we met my folks for breakfast and they immediately commiserated and helped me divide and conquer with these two "curious" yet lovable little boy souls of mine.

How do you love two boys so much and feel so much strife in parenting them all at the same time. Two hot emotions that are such different ends of the spectrum. I constantly feel like I want to be "THERE" for them and yet there are so many details that have to get done. Afterall, I'm just one person . . . . who ends up doing an awful lot. How do I do less chores and still have good credit with my kids AND the bank? I'm not talking about keeping a clean kitchen. These are real life chores that must be tended to. So often I imagine playing ring around the rosie with my boys and having carefree times with them. I always find my very next emotion is devastation in that my oldest is starting kindergarten in the fall and his "at home Mommy time" is OVER. I always thought I'd be home with the kids the first 5 years of each of their lives and I feel like I've failed as a Mother because I haven't held to that. Our family needs the double income. Part of me would have died if I left the workforce for 5+ years. However, I feel that sacrificing ME has been a sacrafice that they will feel forever.

There is a family member on my husbands side that keeps a flickr account. They always make me yearn for the ability to give my children the carefree CHILDhood that this extended family is giving to their daughter. Trust me, on a single income, teacher salary they don't have millions in the bank. We aren't striving for that either. However, the choices that they have made are choices speak to their very strong sense of self. Their daughter is learning about life IN life. Getting dirty in Mother nature, exploring through a pumpkin patch or in a fantasy world of pillows and blankets. The images never have a "c'mon, we've got to get going" flavor. Instead, there is a consistent feeling of exploration and wonderment. What else could a parent ask for for their childrens growing up years? The fact that this extended family hasn't embraced our family only makes this wound sting more.

Motherhood to me was always a feeling of "filling". I'm so scared that I've created a void in them. I'm fearful that they don't feel strong in the who of who they are. I'm scared I don't have time to "fix" it. At 5 and 2 I can't tell you how close to 18 they feel. This pressure I put on myself is deafening, suffocating and yet so natural. How have I existed this way for 40 years. I'm at a cross roads and I hate that I feel like I must choose. I can't choose between me and them. They will always win. I just wish I felt stronger and more prepared as an adult to handle and help shape them into the self assured boys and men I strive for them to want to be. I'm terrified of failing. How do I BE the person, mother and wife that I've envisioned. How do I know when I get there? Is it ever too late? Does PMS exaggerate these emotions or help me to remember not to let them slide under the radar...my heart aches for my boys, for me... yet I yearn for a progress report from some all telling, unknown source to inform me that I'm on the right path no matter how my heart hurts along the way.

BlogHer & the Fire Dept..

BlogHer was all I wanted it to be and more. My life, y'know, reality... on the other hand, got in the way. In honor of Monk, which probably makes me really old, "Here's what happened".

It all started on Thursday Night at the awesome party that SV Moms put together with the help of Yahoo. It was great to finally touch and talk to the virtual friends I've made in the last few months. Our fearless leaders, Jill & Beth, put together bags full of swag that could make any woman cry with joy. From peanut butter to nipple cream, blouses to DVDs, they covered it all. Some highlights for me were that I met two bloggers who actually live just a few blocks from me. What fun. When I first arrived at Viand, I checked in with the hostess. I told her I was there for BlogHer and she lit up and said, "You guys are a fun group". Little did she know. Little did we know. Anyway, I met so many fun blogger sisters that it's really hard to remember. AND, for a girl who was offering to print business cards at the show, I think it's pretty hysterical that I forgot to bring some with me to the party. 2 hours flew by and we were all enjoying succulent food and libations. I was driving and still needed to finalize some details for my booth so I grabbed my bag of swag and went home. (It's hard to be a good girl all the time. The party at the W really sounded like fun)

***Note*** This is where my BlogHer fun filled weekend lets reality sneak in again and again.

Unbeknown to me the valet at Alina drove my car into something white and hard and smooshed in the back left corner of my pretty van. However, at this point, I'm so happy with my new found friends and my bag of swag and the fact that I started blogging that this little fact doesn't present itself to me and the valet, I guess, didn't fee it pertinent. I wish I could say that THIS was a big deal but ahh, this is just icing baby.

I went home, did my work for the show and layed my head for the night around 1am. The fact that the boys were supposed to spend the weekend at my folks AND the reality that that had to be postponed until, perhaps, Saturday didn't even spoil my fun. I adjusted for their care and that worked out pretty well. (always looking for a silver lining)

I arrived at the show on Friday and had the best time. I met Bloggers who I've enjoyed reading for such a long time. My husband and I worked pretty well together in the business card booth and it was SO nice to hear the repetitive positive feedback for just having the forethought of offering the service at the show. He left in the afternoon and I was able to enjoy some of the show and the cocktail party. I was like a kid in a candy store. I was so thrilled to finally meet and talk to Tracey Clark, Pasta Queen, Kristin Chase, Friday Playdate, and so many more. I also got to meet a slew of others that I promise to post links to as soon as I tend to what you are about to read.

I finally hit the wall of exhaustion mixed with giddy about 9pm. I made my way down to the courtesy shuttle (aka luxury motor coach) and tried to get a cab. I was UNsuccessful and decided to hop on the shuttle and after getting dropped off at the "W", planned on getting a cab there. I'm always thinking! Anyway, first stop, City Centre, next stop, The W. The bus driver offered to take me home. Third stop...my house. I would post a pic but he was adamant that he would get in trouble and I hope none of my blog sisters will turn him in as he provided quite a nice service that brought his big bus down my little street as if it were a little coupe of some kind. I only wish my kids could have seen it but they were snoozin' and in for some real excitement the next day.

Finally, my folks got rid of their debilitating viral colds and were able to take the boys for the last day of the show. Hubs and I dropped them off at Nana & Papa's house around 7am and then made our way to the show. We got our booth all set up and even enjoyed some breakfast. Around 9am I got a call from our tenant who lives on the first floor of our two flat saying that she smelled something funny and that she thought she heard an alarm in our apt. I called my parents who, thankfully, made their way, with the kids, to the house and they saw smoke pouring out of everywhere. They called 911 who sent 4 engines, an ambulance and the Chief of the Fire House immediately. When they arrived they didn't know exactly what was causing all the smoke. They broke down the basement door and then a window. Smoke was pouring out so much that 2 days later my neighbor, two doors away, says his house still smells like smoke. The fire department continued up the building. My tenant lost some ceiling in her kitchen. Then, up to our apartment. The source had been found. Somehow the toaster oven had a short or got turned on and my bag of swag was on the counter. Unfortunately, It, along with a bunch of other cool stuff got tossed into the sink and now looks like this....

If you look hard enough, you can see the wonderful shirts and perhaps the nipple cream I was looking forward to checking out. I have to say - My house still smells like smoke - Every surface. However, I believe that that bag of swag may have saved my house. Perhaps it sheltered the fire from reaching the newspaper that was also on the counter. Our house has to be scoured and I have to deal with all the insurance details that go along with a fire but all in all, no one was hurt and we still have our house. (always looking for that silver lining) Honestly, Blogging may have saved my life, my family & our house!

My sweet hubs left the show and went to meet the Fire Dept and clean up lots of the house. I love him for that and so much more. I dealt with what I could from the show and tactually continued to enjoy the show. He finished up and then joined me back at the booth. I was able to witness Amy sedaris' humor. I had the distinct pleasure of meeting a delightful person & blogger, Jen Lemen. The party at the Children's Museum was fun and the fact that I won the Sk*rt giveaway of chronicle books was perfect timing. Tracey Clarks books were left off the list but here is her shout out.) I promise to link to all the titles when I come up for air and close this insurance file.

My hubs and I enjoyed the fireworks on Navy Pier and a bit of Venetian night but finally caved and headed to our hotel to pass out. I awoke to breakfast in bed and then to a party that was donned as my husbands boss's party but ended up being my 40th surprise party. I've never felt more loved in all my life and I can't wait to write all about the party and the "background story" soon. Adjuster is at the door, must run. I LOVE my BLOG!

What a difference a DECADE makes

One of my dearest friends emailed me today to see if I was enjoying my last day of my 30s. I stopped, froze is more like it. It seemed so real to me. On one hand I don't feel like what I envisioned 40 to feel like. I do feel youthful but still too tightly wound. I'm sure that angst ages me and not in a prolific way.

July 24th, 1997 - I was with my family as I celebrated turning 30. Personally, I was preparing to walk the Chicago Marathon as a quest for such an auspicious milestone. I've always set goals for myself. I'm also known to doubt myself and then surprise myself for the same goals. It's quite a contradiction and yet, it somehow adds excitement to my harried life. It's just how I'm programmed.

At the same time I was single. Dating a lot for a change and enjoying a young single city life. My sweet dog was often my after work companion. It was difficult to make my overworked work life mesh with that of a human. All was pretty good but secretly I wanted more...the fairytale. A husband, 2 kids, a yellow house with a front porch and a white fence...pickets optional and of course a dog.

What a difference a DECADE makes.

July 24th, 2007 - I now sit in my home, which, albeit not yellow, is a nice shade of khaki. Although my dog of 12 years has passed I've been blessed with a husband who helps me remember what it feels to be loved. We've shared in the experience of making and raising 2 gorgeous sons who can make me laugh and exhaust me all at the same time. It's probably not such a stretch that 10 years ago I drove a Jeep and now it's been replaced with a minivan. The dog, who will someday join our family WAY down the road has 2 goldfish in it's place for the time being. Work is still too many hours but in a much more fulfilling way. A new position starting next month is very exciting.

My personal goals change frequently. I'm getting much better at making them attainable instead of impressively overachieving. I don't find as much fun in that stress anymore. I'm getting closer and closer to being good to me. Putting myself on the to do list. Resting, eating better, feeling free to laugh, celebrate and not be so goal oriented. Finding the joy in my children while not letting it be the only joy in my life. Balance. I'm working towards balance.

I feel like this last ten years flew. So many life milestones. It scares me that my next decade will be at 50. Only I would plan a mid life crisis. I'll have to add that to the "I'll work on it list"

I did it. I've got the fairytale I longed for. I'll have to be careful what I wish for in this next decade. Being goal oriented can be dangerous. Here's to balance, peace and happiness.
Happy Birthday to ME!

Time Out Harry Potter

I'm not the biggest Harry Potter fan but I do love a kid free night out with my husband. When you add the fact that this was free and before anyone else got to view the film....I tell ya, I got goose bumps. I'm not hard to please, I know. The icing on the cake was the fact that we saw it at the Navy Pier IMax theatre which meant that we saw it on a humungo screen AND...got the full experience of watching a portion of the film in 3D. Way cool.

Oh, I'm sorry, you want to know how all this happened. I wish I could tell you that I knew people or that I was cool or that I was even lucky. Bummer, I can't fess up to any of those. However, good news...you could be cool and lucky too. Check out Time Out Chicago, and a host of other major cities in America and several other countries as well. They have a great feature that allows them to email you free movie premier tickets. We responded to one such email and poof...we were in the VIP line.

I must say, I, like Harry, Ron and Hermoine have certainly aged since the last installment of the series was on the big screen. For the movie rendition of the 4th book, My husband thought it would be great to see the first showing at midnight. I was very pregnant and at the time enjoyed myself but hated everyone, including him, the next day. This 5th book experience was a much improved... better for our marriage too.

I won't waste anyone's time giving away secrets or tidbids about the film. Go see it. You'll enjoy yourself. I did.

PS - Being at Navy Pier got me all excited for BlogHer. Hope to see you there.