Monday, July 23, 2007

What a difference a DECADE makes

One of my dearest friends emailed me today to see if I was enjoying my last day of my 30s. I stopped, froze is more like it. It seemed so real to me. On one hand I don't feel like what I envisioned 40 to feel like. I do feel youthful but still too tightly wound. I'm sure that angst ages me and not in a prolific way.

July 24th, 1997 - I was with my family as I celebrated turning 30. Personally, I was preparing to walk the Chicago Marathon as a quest for such an auspicious milestone. I've always set goals for myself. I'm also known to doubt myself and then surprise myself for the same goals. It's quite a contradiction and yet, it somehow adds excitement to my harried life. It's just how I'm programmed.

At the same time I was single. Dating a lot for a change and enjoying a young single city life. My sweet dog was often my after work companion. It was difficult to make my overworked work life mesh with that of a human. All was pretty good but secretly I wanted more...the fairytale. A husband, 2 kids, a yellow house with a front porch and a white fence...pickets optional and of course a dog.

What a difference a DECADE makes.

July 24th, 2007 - I now sit in my home, which, albeit not yellow, is a nice shade of khaki. Although my dog of 12 years has passed I've been blessed with a husband who helps me remember what it feels to be loved. We've shared in the experience of making and raising 2 gorgeous sons who can make me laugh and exhaust me all at the same time. It's probably not such a stretch that 10 years ago I drove a Jeep and now it's been replaced with a minivan. The dog, who will someday join our family WAY down the road has 2 goldfish in it's place for the time being. Work is still too many hours but in a much more fulfilling way. A new position starting next month is very exciting.

My personal goals change frequently. I'm getting much better at making them attainable instead of impressively overachieving. I don't find as much fun in that stress anymore. I'm getting closer and closer to being good to me. Putting myself on the to do list. Resting, eating better, feeling free to laugh, celebrate and not be so goal oriented. Finding the joy in my children while not letting it be the only joy in my life. Balance. I'm working towards balance.

I feel like this last ten years flew. So many life milestones. It scares me that my next decade will be at 50. Only I would plan a mid life crisis. I'll have to add that to the "I'll work on it list"

I did it. I've got the fairytale I longed for. I'll have to be careful what I wish for in this next decade. Being goal oriented can be dangerous. Here's to balance, peace and happiness.
Happy Birthday to ME!

3 comments:

Jessica Ashley/Grrrlfriend Jess said...

Oh Happy Day! Enjoy enjoy enjoy.

Matt said...

Happy, happy birthday! The fairytale is wonderful, and thank you for reminding me that I have it too.

You have a beautiful family.

slouching mom said...

Happy Belated; sorry I missed it.