myMOMtra

TWTW....

2008-01-11T20:28:00.000-06:00

So many people come up with great ideas for the start of a new year. Some take photos every day for the year. They put spins on this such as self portraits or sharing the process with best friends that have multiple oceans between them. Others start an exercise regimen and I suppose I felt like I needed a "something" to latch onto for the year. I haven't totally abandoned the exercise regimen but for now this is in the forefront.

I've given up my commitment to some of my other blogs and decided to focus on mine for the year. I love this creative process so much and didn't feel good about spreading myself out all over the place without ever really being anywhere. So, my "THING" this year will be, TWTW a.k.a The Week That Was. Don't get me wrong. I'm not one for living in the past. As my father says, "Don't look in your rear view mirror". I love photographing my family, friends and I'm usually the one drawn to archiving a moment in one way or another. So, I thought, since I have yet to finish my younger (he's 2) sons baby book, that this would be a document to cherish in the future and one I can thoroughly enjoy creating in the present. So, on Sundays(ish), because I'm just being realistic and kind to myself, I'll post an update accompanied, hopefully, by a picture or two about TWTW. I plan on posting a time or two throughout the week but I thought that I'd create a plan for at least getting one up/week. I hope you'll enjoy the first issue. To be out this Sunday(ish)...I know I'll enjoy the pleasure of putting it together. I'm already looking forward to the pretty leather bound version of the first volume - 2008, The Week(s) that Were.. Ooooh, I'm really getting into this. See you Sunday(ish) if not before.

2007-12-30T08:15:00.000-06:00

I've experienced another full circle moment... Close to four decades ago, my parents had the forethought to purchase a wonderful, family friendly, house in the mountains of a tiny ski community. We've been sheltered by that house for every school vacation I had as a student. We often traveled here with lots of cousins and friends. Many of my fond memories of childhood and family are en grained in this building.

Things change and stay the same. How that happens at the same time I will never know....but this is one of those times. I can clearly remember learning to ski here at the age of three. Terrified for my parents to leave me at ski school, terrified of going too fast, etc. I suppose I should confess that I was usually terrified of everything. Fast forward 34 years, in 2005, my son took his inaugural ski lesson at the age of 3. As an aside, I think it's important to know that, at least in this ski town, when you learn to ski, especially a child, you don't use the chairlift, instead, a moving "magic" carpet. Fast forward a few more years and now my oldest is 5 years old. Yesterday was a pivotal day in his existence. It might not seem like a big deal for you, perhaps, it doesn't even seem like a bid deal to my son, but yesterday he went on the chairlift. All the way to the top of the mountain. He became part of that cute troop of little shushers in a row all skiing down in a snowplow behind their teacher. It seemed so matter of fact to him. He was so brave and his instructor said he was so "good at getting on and off the lift as well as making his piece of pie to stop" I don't know why this felt like such a big deal to me. Maybe because it proves that I'm no longer the child but the cheerleader parent. I'm so happy that this is not a struggle that my child had to endeur. I'm so glad he loves the sport and hope that I get to shuss down the hill next to him today.... I hope I can keep up.

Do You Believe in Magic?

2007-11-10T04:04:00.000-06:00

C'mon, I know you are singing along and just can't remember the next line. It's okay though...I can't either. The Chicago public library (CPL) has a lot going for it. Of course it has some downsides too...what organization doesn't. However, every once in a while they hit the jackpot. For example, CPL offers free passes to over a dozen of the most popular, and some you may have not heard of, museums in Chicago. That means you don't have to shell out some insane amount for parking in addition to an entrance fee. Even better is ...

The rest of this post can be found HERE and click here for more info on this magician.

Shabbat Shalom

2007-11-09T05:03:00.000-06:00

This is so fun. You can't help but smile when you hear or watch it.
Enjoy and Shabbat Shalom!

Memories (Picture This)

2007-11-08T22:46:00.000-06:00

First of all, you should know that this is Me. As in, the one swadled quite cozily in the blanket. As memories go, this was perhaps my first. After having my own kids...I think this strikes up a whole batch of new memories. I really love this pic and something about the fact that my Dad is holding me seems extra special, especially in the 60's. Don't feel bad Mom, I know you took the pic and in the way of Baby books, I didn't pull the long straw so thank you for snapping this shot.

Check out other Thursday Themes at Picture This

Well Done RH Girl

2007-11-07T20:53:00.000-06:00

I know we are several holiday past Rosh Hashana. However, this was so well done, with exception to the end, that I had to share. Enjoy - and thanks to ImaBima

Click here for Lyrics.

AbraCadabra....Woof!

2007-11-05T05:54:00.000-06:00

Halloween is a fun holiday, but not one I've always loved...even my kids just "sort of" like it. Don't get me wrong...they love candy but my oldest didn't even want to wear his costume. He eventually saw his friends having fun and then put his on and also joined in the action, I just don't know what it is about this crazy holiday. However, the sense of brotherhood between my guys was just what I've always hoped for. My oldest even loved putting the makeup freckles on my youngest...It was pretty great to witness. Perhaps the moon of Halloween is what we needed.

This was my youngest first trick or treating experience and I think this picture captures his awe of the whole experience. Plus, you should know, everytime someone handed him a piece of candy...he handed them one. What a sweety. He also thought the bag was filling up by some magic...perhaps that of his brother who also helped to get the candy in his little bro's bag.

the Mommy Ballet

2007-10-30T20:44:00.000-05:00

I'm not going to even list an excuse as to why I haven't posted in so long. I'm just going to go with the fact that I post when I can and when time and creativity align. I'm not sure if it's PMS or the parenting world of guilt that are attacking me all at once. I'm sure it's all of the above. I feel like I'm disconnected. From myself, my social life and most of all...my sweet boys. How is it possible that I can work and be a good ENOUGH mother, wife, self? It's an internal battle I have constantly. I feel like their childhood is slipping away. How do I hang on to more of their sweet innocent yumminess? How do I make sure I'm preparing them for adulthood, self assuredness and the big world? How does anyone do it?

Last night I was concentrating on focusing only on them. It felt so good. We had a great evening of playdough and made our own animal train with the noises. At bedtime, they both got into their PJs and washed up and then I created the Mommy Ballet. I picked them each up independently and danced with them the way one dances when noone is looking and sang and spun and got on my tipitoes as well as a few dips and kisses. It sure made up for a crappy day and I think we all slept with smiles. My oldest felt the need to conduct a marriage ceremony for my husband and me. It was very cute and then he wanted us to do the "married dance". How precious. I have to remember this feeling so that I can remind myself that I'm not the worst mother.

Happy 2 Year Old Boy

2007-10-07T20:56:00.001-05:00

I can't believe my youngest is two. It sounds so cliche' but I really don't know where 2 years have gone. Little one, you are my giggle guy, my easy sleeper. You have few words but communicate so easily. You LOVE to say my name and your hugs and kisses are hypnotically sweet. You have an uncanny way to brighten any sour mood and I relish coming home to hear you run to me, from anywhere in the house, while singing my name. You are patient with your brother, who isn't always the same with you. You are fiercely independent and think that anything your big, 5 year old brother can do, you can too. You make total strangers smile as you emphatically wave and say "Bye" to anyone you see. You easily make a game out of any small task and you adore washing your hands and wiping the table. It's hard for me to believe that just 9 months ago you were learning to walk. Now, I can't get you to stand still. 9 months before that you were just learning to crawl. Who knows where you will be 9 months from now. You never cease to amaze me. Your disposition is beautiful and I hope you continue to infect everyone with your gorgeous smile and your outrageously sweet laugh! I feel so lucky to have you in my life. I can only hope I steer you towards all the skills you need to stay so happy and peaceful.
I love you my sweet...Mom.

*I've also used this for a BSM...check out others HERE

BSM - FUN

2007-09-10T06:19:00.000-05:00

This was just a whim...reminds me of a superman movie when they are locked in those plates of glass in the beginning. There is a great background story here...more to come.

Check out other Best Shot Mondays Here.

Dear Mommy

2007-09-09T21:06:00.001-05:00

My weekend involved ~~some~~ a lot of cleaning. Too much I guess because my favorite kindergartener let me know with the use of his wonderful new skills.Dear Mommy, Have fun doing cleaning up the house, I (heart) you. -JK, age 5

BSM-Tickled

2007-09-03T05:03:00.001-05:00

This summer I had the pleasure of meeting the ONE, the ONLY, Tracey Clark! I was tickled, to say the least. You rock Sister! Please keep us posted on all your NEW and fun adventures.

Check out other Best Shot Mondays Here.

Summer Silliness

2007-09-03T03:31:00.000-05:00

This is the time of year when we often reflect on "What I did for my Summer Vacation". At first, I cringed at the thought that I didn't have anything exciting to report. However, with two kids, how is that ever possible. I've done a lot but my kids made me laugh a lot too. My oldest has come up with some real doozies in recent months.

1. Wheat should not be confused with Weed
VS
While on vacation in Colorado we went hiking. While on our nature walk, my oldest pulled a long piece of wheat from the ground and played with it. He pretended he was a cowboy and put it in his mouth, then it magically turned to a sword and a host of other imagination filled objects. At the end of the hike we headed back to the car and along the way came to a street crossing. If you know 5 year olds, then you know how important it is to them to press the elevator button, the crosswalk button and of course YOUR buttons. So, true to form, he pressed the crosswalk button. In doing so, he dropped his stem of wheat. This crosswalk is also a busy bus stop. Many locals and tourists were waiting for the bus to town. It was early and there was a strange hush while we waited. a moment later, I hear my oldest, quite clearly, say, "Mom, I dropped my Weed". All of us were hysterical. Perhaps the setting of a carefree mountain town made this a more comical moment but regardless, it was a great way to start the day.

2. TRAPPED My oldest found a love for the Backyardigans this summer. I have to say, it's a pretty good show. Even I don't mind having to succumb to it at the repeat frequency of a 5 year old. One of his favorite episodes was about being a detective and a spy. They referred to booby traps and spy gear. He was in heaven. A few days later, he was playing with a balloon. I saw he was putting them up his shirt where they found a home in his chest region. I chose to let him play and not really say anything about it's chosen location.

Just then, he came up with such a brilliant & hysterical comment that I'm glad I wasn't drinking anything at the time. If I were, it would have had no choice but to exit my nose.
He said, "Mommy, look, a booby trap" How clever is that?

3. Lake Michigan There is no doubt that 5 year olds are smart. The other day, we were driving along Lake Michigan and my oldest was inquiring on how the lake gets "full". I made the mistake of getting too technical and tried to discuss evaporation etc. I backed off and discussed that Mother Nature (she) helped to fill the lake with rain. However, he was way more literal. He decided that Mother Nature put 169* buckets of rain into the lake. He was quiet, deep in thought for a moment. Then he said, "Mommy, how does She know when to stop filling the lake? How come it doesn't overflow?" I was speechless. What am I going to do when this child starts having homework?

*169 has been a theme this summer too. It seems to be the BIGGEST number that my oldest can equate to things...all things.

4. Navy Pier I have to say that, in general, Navy Pier is not my first choice of where to spend time. That said, some of my favorite moments this summer have been at "the Pier". BlogHer goes without saying as well as the fireworks that followed. We also enjoyed an impromptu evening with friends on the Ferris Wheel and then dinner at Riva's. Another day we went to see Cirque Shanghai An Amazing show that really does amaze. My oldest and DH enjoyed an afternoon on the Sea Dog. We visited the Children's Museum and even escaped running up a bill at Build a Bear. I haven't cringed about the cost of parking as we've really enjoyed ourselves during each visit. Who would have thought?

We still have one more official day of Summer vacation. I know it won't be at the Pier, however, kite flying is sure to add some stories to our repertoire.

How was YOUR Summer?

Table for 4 please...

2007-08-25T11:51:00.000-05:00

It's amazing how time flies. I feel like I refer to it so much that I should have given this blog that title. My younger son will be blowing out two candles on his birthday cake next month. I'm seeing that o so lovable "terrible two's" eeking its way into our already hectic family life. Hubs and I have decided that our family is perfect with the two babes we've got in tow and I'm delighted with the decision. However, I'd be remiss if I didn't say I had a few twinges of a third every now and again. These feelings have come more quickly recently as I watch my youngest grow and reach new independence at lighting speed.

I've always referred to my oldest as a "spirited" child. He is inquisitive and adventurous but still holds on to some caution. My youngest has been quiet and "along for the ride"....until now. For my youngest, his high chair has been a lifesaver when getting a meal prepared or even getting dishes from the sink to the dishwasher. He'd play happily, enjoy a snack or even color. The highchair is now no longer an option. This devilish little guy can crawl up into the highchair on his own. In one turn of your back you can age 10 years as you, frightened to the core, see him standing on his high chair seat. So, bye-bye high chair, hello booster seat. (with a seat belt thank goodness)

The aggravation the missing high chair has caused has allowed my heart to skip a beat and the corners of my mouth rise to make the wrinkles that smiling have developed on my round face. Last night we sat as a family around the dinner table. A Mom and Dad at either end and a child between us on either side. It was so nice. Our family of four around a dinner table, almost no whining and each participant eating their own food on their own plate. With a fork I might add. This mental picture touched me so. Have I grown to be a mother of two boys? Why does this 1950's image make me feel so validated as a mother. I have to confess, I've quickly updated this image to the 21st century as my husband actually cooked the dinner.

I secretly feel a pain as I watch my boys grow, age, learn and become independent of me. One day they will not need me in the same way and I will need them in different ways too. For now, I hope I can be in the moment, savor their childhood and help them learn to play, laugh and of course remember to wash their hands before they come to the dinner table so we can all share our adventures from the day.

This post is cross posted at Chicago Moms Blog

Click your Heels

2007-08-25T08:12:00.001-05:00

I'm probably not the first person to discuss the storms Chicago had this past week. However, I found the storm exhilarating and exciting while also being reminiscent of the TV thriller "The Day After". I happened to be driving along the lake when the storm engulfed Chicagoland. It was eerily similar to what I thought a hurricane would be like. I drove around instant lakes, huge tree parts that littered the streets and avoided people that searched for cover and hung on to light posts so as not to blow away. The storm came in an instant and roared it's ugly head upon an unsuspecting urban oasis. I ~~drove~~ maneuvered, white knuckled, several miles home as I made my way through the obstacle course of the aftermath of the storm.

I arrived home to no electricity and my husband and boys who were armed with a shared flashlight under a homemade fort of sofa pillows. We didn't want to panic the kids and although we didn't have a crystal ball, we intended things would be OK and that we would make this experience an "adventure"....

The rest of this post can be found at HERE

BSM Swingin'

2007-08-13T06:50:00.000-05:00

I suppose I'm all about archives these days. I can't believe that this is, my now, 5 1/2 year old when he was just 11 months. I love his giggle, can't you hear it? I love my husbands hand pushing...I just love this moment!

Find other Best Shot Mondays HERE

Themed Thurs.-FLYING

2007-08-12T21:25:00.000-05:00

I know I've posted this picture before (photo credit goes to my big brother), but It was indeed the first pic that came to mind when Tracey mentioned FLYING.

I suppose if you wanted to get even more literal, I could have used this one ~ when I traveled by myself with the boys and caught this break in an otherwise chaotic trip.

Other Themed Thursdays can be found HERE

BSM - CPA in Training

2007-08-06T06:57:00.000-05:00

Future CPA...the little one. It's so nice to see my dad do stuff with my kids that he did with me. Growing up, I was not the best math student. My dad would often help me "check the check" at a restaurant. Here, he and my oldest found an error on the bill. Turns out the check was indeed correct but the $1.60 coffee, wasn't written down. What 5 year old doesn't love buttons - calculator.... a great thing for your restaurant bag of tricks.

Check out other Best Shot Mondays here.

PMS & LIFE Make My Heart Hurt

2007-08-05T20:03:00.000-05:00

Have you ever had one of those ~~days~~ weeks when you felt like nothing would ever go right in your world again? I'm hopefully FINISHING up that kind of week. I start a new job tomorrow and I suppose that and a healthy dose of PMS has really made me do some reflecting on my job as a mother, how I am to myself and me in general as a person. First of all, I have to laugh because I just haven't thought of ME as a person in so long. How sad. Another post topic indeed.

Well, DH had to work today. I feel the family is so disjointed when he has to work on the weekends. Today was additionally harried in that my almost 2 year old has been waking at 5am every morning for so long that I can barely function. DH leaves the house about 28 seconds before my youngest starts stirring and then immediately belting out the tears. It's almost as if it's choreographed. Every morning it's the same thing. I scoop him quickly from his bed so as not to wake my oder son. I have dreamy thoughts of snuggling with my young son in my bed as we both drift off to sleep for a couple more hours. EVERY morning I find myself getting more and more cranky as this plan never works. Somehow, in my own self deprecating disturbing way, I blame myself that he's up so early and that I must be a bad mother. My crankyness and raised voice do not help my case any. Don't ask me how I link the two but somehow I make that head trip during PMS each month. Some Visas should never be issued and I wish the governing party of PMS would stop being so generous with theirs.

The fact that it was raining cats and dogs this morning accompanied by phenomenal thunder made me;
a. not want to get out of bed
b. tell my older son that I'd take him to the movie Ratatouille.

I'm sure you aren't surprised to know that 2 hours later the sun had no cloud competition and her rays washed all over the city. Lovingly & thankfully, we met my folks for breakfast and they immediately commiserated and helped me divide and conquer with these two "curious" yet lovable little boy souls of mine.

How do you love two boys so much and feel so much strife in parenting them all at the same time. Two hot emotions that are such different ends of the spectrum. I constantly feel like I want to be "THERE" for them and yet there are so many details that have to get done. Afterall, I'm just one person . . . . who ends up doing an awful lot. How do I do less chores and still have good credit with my kids AND the bank? I'm not talking about keeping a clean kitchen. These are real life chores that must be tended to. So often I imagine playing ring around the rosie with my boys and having carefree times with them. I always find my very next emotion is devastation in that my oldest is starting kindergarten in the fall and his "at home Mommy time" is OVER. I always thought I'd be home with the kids the first 5 years of each of their lives and I feel like I've failed as a Mother because I haven't held to that. Our family needs the double income. Part of me would have died if I left the workforce for 5+ years. However, I feel that sacrificing ME has been a sacrafice that they will feel forever.

There is a family member on my husbands side that keeps a flickr account. They always make me yearn for the ability to give my children the carefree CHILDhood that this extended family is giving to their daughter. Trust me, on a single income, teacher salary they don't have millions in the bank. We aren't striving for that either. However, the choices that they have made are choices speak to their very strong sense of self. Their daughter is learning about life IN life. Getting dirty in Mother nature, exploring through a pumpkin patch or in a fantasy world of pillows and blankets. The images never have a "c'mon, we've got to get going" flavor. Instead, there is a consistent feeling of exploration and wonderment. What else could a parent ask for for their childrens growing up years? The fact that this extended family hasn't embraced our family only makes this wound sting more.

Motherhood to me was always a feeling of "filling". I'm so scared that I've created a void in them. I'm fearful that they don't feel strong in the who of who they are. I'm scared I don't have time to "fix" it. At 5 and 2 I can't tell you how close to 18 they feel. This pressure I put on myself is deafening, suffocating and yet so natural. How have I existed this way for 40 years. I'm at a cross roads and I hate that I feel like I must choose. I can't choose between me and them. They will always win. I just wish I felt stronger and more prepared as an adult to handle and help shape them into the self assured boys and men I strive for them to want to be. I'm terrified of failing. How do I BE the person, mother and wife that I've envisioned. How do I know when I get there? Is it ever too late? Does PMS exaggerate these emotions or help me to remember not to let them slide under the radar...my heart aches for my boys, for me... yet I yearn for a progress report from some all telling, unknown source to inform me that I'm on the right path no matter how my heart hurts along the way.

BlogHer & the Fire Dept..

2007-07-31T06:16:00.000-05:00

BlogHer was all I wanted it to be and more. My life, y'know, reality... on the other hand, got in the way. In honor of Monk, which probably makes me really old, "Here's what happened".

It all started on Thursday Night at the awesome party that SV Moms put together with the help of Yahoo. It was great to finally touch and talk to the virtual friends I've made in the last few months. Our fearless leaders, Jill & Beth, put together bags full of swag that could make any woman cry with joy. From peanut butter to nipple cream, blouses to DVDs, they covered it all. Some highlights for me were that I met two bloggers who actually live just a few blocks from me. What fun. When I first arrived at Viand, I checked in with the hostess. I told her I was there for BlogHer and she lit up and said, "You guys are a fun group". Little did she know. Little did we know. Anyway, I met so many fun blogger sisters that it's really hard to remember. AND, for a girl who was offering to print business cards at the show, I think it's pretty hysterical that I forgot to bring some with me to the party. 2 hours flew by and we were all enjoying succulent food and libations. I was driving and still needed to finalize some details for my booth so I grabbed my bag of swag and went home. (It's hard to be a good girl all the time. The party at the W really sounded like fun)

***Note*** This is where my BlogHer fun filled weekend lets reality sneak in again and again.

Unbeknown to me the valet at Alina drove my car into something white and hard and smooshed in the back left corner of my pretty van. However, at this point, I'm so happy with my new found friends and my bag of swag and the fact that I started blogging that this little fact doesn't present itself to me and the valet, I guess, didn't fee it pertinent. I wish I could say that THIS was a big deal but ahh, this is just icing baby.

I went home, did my work for the show and layed my head for the night around 1am. The fact that the boys were supposed to spend the weekend at my folks AND the reality that that had to be postponed until, perhaps, Saturday didn't even spoil my fun. I adjusted for their care and that worked out pretty well. (always looking for a silver lining)

I arrived at the show on Friday and had the best time. I met Bloggers who I've enjoyed reading for such a long time. My husband and I worked pretty well together in the business card booth and it was SO nice to hear the repetitive positive feedback for just having the forethought of offering the service at the show. He left in the afternoon and I was able to enjoy some of the show and the cocktail party. I was like a kid in a candy store. I was so thrilled to finally meet and talk to Tracey Clark, Pasta Queen, Kristin Chase, Friday Playdate, and so many more. I also got to meet a slew of others that I promise to post links to as soon as I tend to what you are about to read.

I finally hit the wall of exhaustion mixed with giddy about 9pm. I made my way down to the courtesy shuttle (aka luxury motor coach) and tried to get a cab. I was UNsuccessful and decided to hop on the shuttle and after getting dropped off at the "W", planned on getting a cab there. I'm always thinking! Anyway, first stop, City Centre, next stop, The W. The bus driver offered to take me home. Third stop...my house. I would post a pic but he was adamant that he would get in trouble and I hope none of my blog sisters will turn him in as he provided quite a nice service that brought his big bus down my little street as if it were a little coupe of some kind. I only wish my kids could have seen it but they were snoozin' and in for some real excitement the next day.

Finally, my folks got rid of their debilitating viral colds and were able to take the boys for the last day of the show. Hubs and I dropped them off at Nana & Papa's house around 7am and then made our way to the show. We got our booth all set up and even enjoyed some breakfast. Around 9am I got a call from our tenant who lives on the first floor of our two flat saying that she smelled something funny and that she thought she heard an alarm in our apt. I called my parents who, thankfully, made their way, with the kids, to the house and they saw smoke pouring out of everywhere. They called 911 who sent 4 engines, an ambulance and the Chief of the Fire House immediately. When they arrived they didn't know exactly what was causing all the smoke. They broke down the basement door and then a window. Smoke was pouring out so much that 2 days later my neighbor, two doors away, says his house still smells like smoke. The fire department continued up the building. My tenant lost some ceiling in her kitchen. Then, up to our apartment. The source had been found. Somehow the toaster oven had a short or got turned on and my bag of swag was on the counter. Unfortunately, It, along with a bunch of other cool stuff got tossed into the sink and now looks like this....

If you look hard enough, you can see the wonderful shirts and perhaps the nipple cream I was looking forward to checking out. I have to say - My house still smells like smoke - Every surface. However, I believe that that bag of swag may have saved my house. Perhaps it sheltered the fire from reaching the newspaper that was also on the counter. Our house has to be scoured and I have to deal with all the insurance details that go along with a fire but all in all, no one was hurt and we still have our house. (always looking for that silver lining) Honestly, Blogging may have saved my life, my family & our house!

My sweet hubs left the show and went to meet the Fire Dept and clean up lots of the house. I love him for that and so much more. I dealt with what I could from the show and tactually continued to enjoy the show. He finished up and then joined me back at the booth. I was able to witness Amy sedaris' humor. I had the distinct pleasure of meeting a delightful person & blogger, Jen Lemen. The party at the Children's Museum was fun and the fact that I won the Sk*rt giveaway of chronicle books was perfect timing. Tracey Clarks books were left off the list but here is her shout out.) I promise to link to all the titles when I come up for air and close this insurance file.

My hubs and I enjoyed the fireworks on Navy Pier and a bit of Venetian night but finally caved and headed to our hotel to pass out. I awoke to breakfast in bed and then to a party that was donned as my husbands boss's party but ended up being my 40th surprise party. I've never felt more loved in all my life and I can't wait to write all about the party and the "background story" soon. Adjuster is at the door, must run. I LOVE my BLOG!

What a difference a DECADE makes

2007-07-23T20:26:00.000-05:00

One of my dearest friends emailed me today to see if I was enjoying my last day of my 30s. I stopped, froze is more like it. It seemed so real to me. On one hand I don't feel like what I envisioned 40 to feel like. I do feel youthful but still too tightly wound. I'm sure that angst ages me and not in a prolific way.

July 24th, 1997 - I was with my family as I celebrated turning 30. Personally, I was preparing to walk the Chicago Marathon as a quest for such an auspicious milestone. I've always set goals for myself. I'm also known to doubt myself and then surprise myself for the same goals. It's quite a contradiction and yet, it somehow adds excitement to my harried life. It's just how I'm programmed.

At the same time I was single. Dating a lot for a change and enjoying a young single city life. My sweet dog was often my after work companion. It was difficult to make my overworked work life mesh with that of a human. All was pretty good but secretly I wanted more...the fairytale. A husband, 2 kids, a yellow house with a front porch and a white fence...pickets optional and of course a dog.

What a difference a DECADE makes.

July 24th, 2007 - I now sit in my home, which, albeit not yellow, is a nice shade of khaki. Although my dog of 12 years has passed I've been blessed with a husband who helps me remember what it feels to be loved. We've shared in the experience of making and raising 2 gorgeous sons who can make me laugh and exhaust me all at the same time. It's probably not such a stretch that 10 years ago I drove a Jeep and now it's been replaced with a minivan. The dog, who will someday join our family WAY down the road has 2 goldfish in it's place for the time being. Work is still too many hours but in a much more fulfilling way. A new position starting next month is very exciting.

My personal goals change frequently. I'm getting much better at making them attainable instead of impressively overachieving. I don't find as much fun in that stress anymore. I'm getting closer and closer to being good to me. Putting myself on the to do list. Resting, eating better, feeling free to laugh, celebrate and not be so goal oriented. Finding the joy in my children while not letting it be the only joy in my life. Balance. I'm working towards balance.

I feel like this last ten years flew. So many life milestones. It scares me that my next decade will be at 50. Only I would plan a mid life crisis. ~~I'll have to add that to the "I'll work on it list"~~

I did it. I've got the fairytale I longed for. I'll have to be careful what I wish for in this next decade. Being goal oriented can be dangerous. Here's to balance, peace and happiness.
Happy Birthday to ME!

Time Out Harry Potter

2007-07-10T22:09:00.000-05:00

I'm not the biggest Harry Potter fan but I do love a kid free night out with my husband. When you add the fact that this was free and before anyone else got to view the film....I tell ya, I got goose bumps. I'm not hard to please, I know. The icing on the cake was the fact that we saw it at the Navy Pier IMax theatre which meant that we saw it on a humungo screen AND...got the full experience of watching a portion of the film in 3D. Way cool.

Oh, I'm sorry, you want to know how all this happened. I wish I could tell you that I knew people or that I was cool or that I was even lucky. Bummer, I can't fess up to any of those. However, good news...you could be cool and lucky too. Check out Time Out Chicago, and a host of other major cities in America and several other countries as well. They have a great feature that allows them to email you free movie premier tickets. We responded to one such email and poof...we were in the VIP line.

I must say, I, like Harry, Ron and Hermoine have certainly aged since the last installment of the series was on the big screen. For the movie rendition of the 4th book, My husband thought it would be great to see the first showing at midnight. I was very pregnant and at the time enjoyed myself but hated everyone, including him, the next day. This 5th book experience was a much improved... better for our marriage too.

I won't waste anyone's time giving away secrets or tidbids about the film. Go see it. You'll enjoy yourself. I did.

PS - Being at Navy Pier got me all excited for BlogHer. Hope to see you there.

Catching up to NEW

2007-06-30T12:54:00.000-05:00

The house I grew up in was sold when I was away at my sophomore year in college. My family often jokes about needing to leave a forwarding address for my brother and I to find our way home at Thanksgiving break. It wasn't quite that dramatic but it makes for a better story. My parents have had a home in the rocky mountains for almost my entire life. This is the last standing structure with which our memories are etched in the woodwork. We've owned the house for 32 years but it was built 5 prior to that. Hence, the 1960's avocado counter tops and yellow refrigerator were really starting to bug my mom. Furniture, in our family, found its way here. 1000 miles west of our permanent residences, mine now included, to live out its final days. Nothing in this vacation house matches and we've enjoyed that ease of living. No worries that the kids would ruin something. Everything was perfectly worn in.

Having my own children enjoy this house now is quite bizarre to me. When I brought my oldest here for the first time, 5 years ago, and unpacked his little onesies and other necessities, I broke down at the idea that my child's items were being stored in my baby dresser. As he grew he started sleeping in the brass bed that donned my adolescent room for nearly 18 years. I have sat and played puzzles and games with him that my brother and I enjoyed when we were his age. The list goes on and on. Now that my younger son is coming up through the ranks it's that much more meaningful that these memories live on. I should be clear in stating that it's not the things in the house as much as the feeling in the house. A feeling that has been poured into the fabrics of the items inside. Many items carry a story all their own. The grandfather clock that only gets wound if my father is visiting the house. The dining room table that almost didn't make it through customs when my parents visited Mexico 40+ years ago and has had held holiday dinners, group gatherings as well as gin rummy or scrabble championships. Memories of laughter and family times are in every support beam and every mismatched, out of date appliance and accessory.

Last year my parents decided to level the house and build a new more expanding family friendly monstrosity. NooooOOO I exclaimed. I shared my above thoughts with them and they realized that they too had similar attachments to these peeling stucco walls. We compromised at renovating the existing structure. Keeping the footprint and updating much of the inside. My mom has a knack at altering a space while keeping the end users purpose of the space in mind all the while. I trusted her implicitly. After all, she too was attached to the memories of the house and the family times it stood for. Heck, she started this whole family experience that has now touched three generations. I knew we were in good hands.

In the past year she has made several renditions to the blue prints. Made even more trips to home imporvement stores to pick out appliances and countless trips out here to pick finishes, oversee construction as well as make sure that all was going as planned. It was not easy but she did it. This was not something any of us were willing to leave a stranger to handle. She willingly agreed to take on the mammoth details that a project like this requires - all the while living 1000 miles away.

My husband and I joined my parents out here last week. We seem to always find our way out here to spend the 4th of July holiday together. We love the cheesy small town parade and all the kid friendly activities. The clean fresh air is a pleasant relief from the city lives we all live. We are still in awe of the mountain peaks that make up our front yard view as well as the safari we sometimes see on the road at anytime of the day. The healthy activities and all the time we spend outside in the pool or with nature are endless. Although we mimic a family friend in saying that this is a magical place...I think I agree with him now and it really is no joke. This place is paradise and that is how I felt about this home. I'm a homebody so I get attached to where I live. I was fortunate to even call this vacation home my primary residence for 5 years after grad school. That, of course was a lifetime ago.

This trip was the first time I had seen the "new and improved" version of our family retreat. It is incredible! My mom did an amazing job. My father and I find ourselves saying, "It's like a new house but it's the old house". That was exactly what we were going for. I have to say that it's nice to go to the bathroom and actually be able to close the door all the way. Especially with a toddler running around. The water pressure is a huge improvement. The furniture is mostly the same. Some of the more tired pieces have found new homes. The kitchen is the most drastic change. Although it is all glammed out, it still has a rustic and homey feel. I see a picture of my son and I at the same age in a similar field of wild flowers that donns the wall. Special materials have been salvaged for memories sake and used in different ways. I love all the new doors and the warmth of the heated floors in the cold morning. The fact that all the towels match is bizarre but kind of nice. I feel like the house got a face lift. It's the same soul on the inside but the exterior has been refreshed.

We've so enjoyed the visit thus far. We can't wait to add new memories to these new materials. The fact that wireless internet is available everywhere in the house isn't anything to baulk at. I still go to the old trashcan location and find a refrigerator there instead. I have yet to find all the new light switch placements. However, I have to admit that this is my third day here and I'm just now emotionally catching up with the new digs.

Thanks Mom...you and Dad have created a legacy for us to cherish for many many many more years to come.

The Beach

2007-06-28T10:58:00.000-05:00

Check out another place where I post. I've got an entry over there today.

GLEE

2007-06-22T23:24:00.001-05:00

Best Shot Monday now has a new feature. Themed Thursdays. This weeks theme was GLEE.

Glee: Joy; merriment; mirth; gayety; paricularly, the mirth enjoyed at a feast.

Here is my oldest on his 5th birthday. He is enjoying one of those ridiculously huge suckers that you would otherwise say N-O to at the store. I must say...he REALLY enjoyed it way more than I would have ever anticipated. That made me filled with GLEE. It didn't hurt that he barely dented it and 2 days later it found it's way to the trash. More Glee.

If this isn't pure GLEE, I don't know what is.

Also taken on his brothers birthday - with reminents of cake still on his face.

"muff " IN

2007-06-18T15:34:00.000-05:00

My son and I were enjoying some together time. Just the two of us. It was nice to focus just on him and he on me without other distractions interfereing. We stopped at Caribou for a muffin and some water. Time was tight, for a change, and I made an exception and allowed us to enjoy our muffins in the car on the way to our next errand. When we arrived at the next location we chatted a minute before exiting the car. I said something like, "I sure love the tops of the muffins". He agreed and thought it was funny that I actually had a name for this portion of the muffin....Muffies. We didn't really talk about it any more.

A few days later he was enjoying yet another muffin with my Mom. He went into much detail with her discussing the fact that Mom likes the Muff- not the -IN. Get it... Muff - IN(referring to the lower portion still in the wrapper) It sort of loses it's simplicity and charm when I start writing and explaining the whole thing here. It was a fun moment none the less. Kids really do say the darndest things. Actually, now that I think about it. Moms tend to photograph the darndest things. Who would have thought I'd setup and take a picture of a half eaten muffin, only to write about it later.

8

2007-06-13T14:16:00.001-05:00

As of 6pm CST, I will have been married 8 years. EIGHT years. Wow, what a reflective place. We've made it through paper, cotton, leather, fruit, wood iron and copper. We certainly don't follow any gift giving guideline. However, as we fall upon bronze this year it seems fitting to present my mate with a gift to show what a balancing act marriage can be. The little human figures that make up this visually simple 4 letter word actually displays what a human feat it is to compromise and contort to make this union of marriage work some days - especially when kids are involved and you add a healthy dose of exhaustion. I must say that DH and I have had our share of knock down, drag out disputes. What couple hasn't? We have persevered. The infamous seven year itch didn't get the best of us either. I believe we are in it for the long haul. The good, the bad and the ugly. Lately we've had a wonderful dose of good. The kids are great, they show love and compassion towards themselves, each other and to us. We are communicating better. Our house has been transformed recently to a sea of (more) calm than chaos as well as more organization. I don't know exactly what to chalk it up to other than all the stars have aligned and we have worked our backsides off to make these things a commitment and not just wishful thinking. It's another thing I never knew or expected about marriage, parenting and growing up.

I endured a long bought of post pardon blues with my second child. It was a long haul to get to the light at the end of the tunnel. However, I can say that I made it. I finally look to myself as the adult and don't pine for my childhood days to be repeated. I'm looking to the future and it looks good. Fun, Hopeful. HAPPY.

With a 40th birthday 40 days away....what more could I ask for? More years I guess....especially when things are feeling so right. it sure beats the alternative.

I'm happy.

I'm Good at ...

2007-06-08T09:15:00.000-05:00

I spend so much of my time beating myself up over what faults I have. I'm going out on a limb here to investigate what I'm good at, for a change. I often see posts on others blogs regarding things that make them quirky or have a negative self image to them. Heck, I'm guilty of it too. It's an attitude too many women take regarding themselves. I know I'm guilty of it on many occasions. However, this is a post to share what I feel confident I'm good at. Five examples feels like a tall order but I'm taking the challenge none the less.

1. I have an amazing "stick to it" attitude. The shear fear of failure will get me through just about any task.

2. I am excellent at parallel parking. Stick, Automatic, big van or compact. I'm your gal. I've been known to get out of the passenger seat only to get in on the driver side to park.

3. I have learned several computer programs by hands on, trial and error. Excel, Quickbooks, Photoshop, Word, My Publisher, Roxio Video editing etc. It's just the way I learn best. These types of books are great for reference but they just slow me down and confuse me.

4. Returning...this is not a trait most are proud of. However, I can return just about anything to just about anywhere. I'll have to include selling stuff on Craigslist here as well. My father jokes that if anyone stands still too long they risk being sold too. It's like business... (check out #7) I just love the banter and the victory over a good sell or return.

gosh....I'm really staring at this #5 wondering what else to list. This is so sad.

5. Mothering. I think I'm a great mother. FAR from perfect, mind you, but I have a mothering personality. I have an uncanny sense of how people are feeling without them having to tell me. My nickname in college was mother. One that I'm not always fond of but it was endearing none the less. I can tell exactly when my kid are going to melt down and how to soothe them. When to tease them and when not to. Along with Mothering I'm very good at organizing. A group, my office, a project...Again, it's just how I think and it comes in handy while mothering quite often.

6. Creative. My creativity is usually electronic these days. Printed books of my images for different events. Videos edited to include a keepsake for some celebration or another. And, I've recently acquired a 19" digital frame that hangs in our kitchen to display my images and our family's continued expanded memories. My youngest has started to learn names of many of our family members just by watching this frame.

It's so like me to actually list 6. Had to prove something. What I'm proving I don't really know.

So, what are you good at? Post it and link it back here!

The start of the positive revolution.

Wait for ME!

2007-06-05T19:52:00.000-05:00

STOP WORLD!

These last few weeks have come to a screeching culmination. I want to play the biggest game of freeze tag where everyone freezes and I get everything put away & processed. I need to get caught up on errands, projects, chores, work and organizing. Hey you, no cheating. I don't have anymore days to borrow from or free time to use to do these mundane things. I feel like I can't breathe sometimes. Even a vacation seems like too much work right now. I just want everything in its place and every surface clear. I'm making decisions that involve many layers and I'm not thinking clearly. It's so not like me. I hate my cell phone. I just want to be free!

Then - I really want to move at lightning speed to keep up with everything and start to work on ME! Is this ever going to happen?

I must go...
rush to the next task...
hurry......
Someone PLEASE press pause for me.

Some Assembly Required

2007-05-29T21:28:00.000-05:00

Many people have theories on how a couple should "test" their relationship before they walk down the isle. Some experts suggest counseling while others offer a checklist of discussion topics before knowing that this soul mate is "The One". I've decided that assembling furniture or toys together should be added to the list. Just think, IKEA could have a new tag line..."Swedish furniture, meatballs AND a litmus test of your relationship...all in One warehouse!"

My Husband and I will be married 8 years next month and, like other couples, we have had our share of struggles. There have luckily been more ups than downs to our history. Whether these difficulties have included family, finances, work schedules in relation to family time, rotating the tires, social plans or disciplining the kids. they became yet another measurement from which to test the strength of our relationship. We could have easily thrown in the towel on some of these shared experiences but alas we are still going for a strong shared future together. In hindsight, I think that some of these struggles have actually made our union stronger, even though, at the time, I would have thought differently.

Our communication has always been a beacon for us. It's simple really...I tell him we need to communicate better and he remembers to do so. : ) All kidding aside, we both work very hard at keeping each other in the loop as best we can. This is a tall order but one we are committed to working at. We, and I mean that in the best sense of the word, know that when WE don't know whats happening in each others lives, WE start to crumble.

Over the holiday weekend I purchased a new patio table. It amazingly accommodates 2 more people in a smaller footprint. Thanks to Craigslist, I recently sold our older mismatched, too large set. I started assembly by myself earlier in the day but the heat meant we had to head to the park with the boys and spend some time playing in the water. However, I'm very goal oriented and knowing that the project was only half done meant that I really REALLY wanted to get the new table together before we went to bed. My husband offered his assistance quite willingly.

We have put many things together. We've had numerous opportunities to get a system down pat. I like to make sure we have all the pieces identified before we start. He likes to peruse the instructions. He gets MY drill * and revs it a few times as if it were a handlebar to a motorcycle.

(Zoom in on that magnetic tip feature...Love it!)

Generally, I then read each step to him. He does that step while I prepare the pieces for the next step. It really works quite well. It took us 2 cribs, 1 desk, many bookcases and a changing table to really get this all down pat. However, we learned that drawers are tough and it's ok to say, "I don't know where this piece should go". Sure we've had our spats. Sure we've cursed the directions and of course we shared a few 4 lettered words louder than under our breath. BUT, we've always succeeded. We haven't even had to call the helpline if it was available OR had any extraneous pieces left over. We persevered the tough times. A real testament of our relationship.

So, Dear Hubby, thank you for helping me with the table. I hope we have many more opportunities to enjoy the result of our hard work as well as to continue our team work attitudes. May it be a lesson we instill in the boys.
------------------
*I only make it a point to say MY drill because I love tinkering and fixing things and have my own, Do it HERself tool set that has remarkably fixed most everything in our house. Yet again another quirky non traditional quip about me. My husband did not own even a hammer or a roll of Duct tape when I met him. (Correction: my husband has informed me that he did indeed own these items, just couldn't necessarily find them under the mounds and piles in his domicile.)

I'm not judgin'...I'm just sayin'. : )

Waking up to MOM

2007-05-24T09:24:00.001-05:00

My youngest (20 months) has about 4 or 5 words that perhaps only I recognize. We had an awful time with him and painful poops for almost his entire life. For the first year plus a few months he would wake in the morning, and from his naps, screaming in pain from these dreadful poops. We finally got it under control and lately he has been babbling in the morning instead of screaming. It is fun to listen to him on the monitor. We certainly don't miss, what we donned, "the G-d forbid I'm on Fire" scream...nor does he.

Well, this morning I got the treat of all treats. He woke up gently and was happily playing. Then he broke into a little sing songy... "Momma" (with a touch of come and get me in his voice) He was checking out the cause and effect a little while enjoying the independence and comfort of hanging out in his crib for a bit in the morning. He discovered how to start his John Lennon music mobile as well as experimenting with some fun with the crib mirror. I thoroughly enjoyed his peaceful play and of course I couldn't wait to go and get him and change the O so poop plentiful diaper I'm greeted with each morn.

Joy O Joy....NO SCREAMING. I'll take this wake up call any day.

Chinese Freeze Tag - MEME

2007-05-23T01:15:00.000-05:00

I was tagged by Barely Controlled Chaos and was initially excited...'my first tag". However, this is a daunting task. I want to come up with things that are exciting. What if I realize I'm not exciting. What if others think of me as dull? I won't know unless I dive in I guess. So, here I go. Here are some interesting facts about me. Who knows, maybe no one will even read this.

Here are the ground rules so to speak: I write 10 interesting (ahem…you decide how interesting they really are!) facts about me and/or habits of mine.- I’ll “tag” someone else and then they have the option/obligation to write their own MEME.

1. I lived in Aspen, CO. for 5 years. Taught skiing, worked at a posh 5 star hotel and a mom & pop ski store. I managed a deli (not having any food handling experience) and left the corned beef out overnight. I worked at the local public school and city daycamp and had a thoroughly amazing time skiing over 100 days each season and hiking, snowshoeing, swimming etc every summer. I saved the most amazing dog from the pound who was my companion for close to 12 years. People often stopped me on the street to tell me how great he seemed...They were right.

2. When I returned to my hometown from Aspen, I decided that the concrete jungle wasn't going to get the best of me and decided to walk the Chicago Marathon and raise money for Leukemia along the way. They had an amazing program and I fulfilled my dream of completing a marathon by my 30th birthday.

3. While in Aspen I hiked to the top of the tallest peak in Colorado (14,444 ft) with my best friend and her now husband. We were so exhausted when we got back home that we went to a movie that night and she lost her camera proving we were at the summit. We KNOW we were there and that's that. I believe I have an athlete living inside of me. I'm very well coordinated and have amazing balance. I can't imagine what my body could do if it were "normal" I'll let you know when I get there. I know it will shock me.

4. I have felt that I am defined by my weight for my whole life. It's a hangup I can't seem to shake. Nor an attachment I can't seem to disconnect from. I recently found over 1000 slides from my childhood and had them digitized. I was absolutely shocked to see that I was of normal size. My memory is way different. I am so sad at how much of my life this burden has taken up. I feel closer to a solution now, more than ever. My solution will not include pills or surgery.

5. As long as we are talking about being fat, I think it's a great time to discuss my favorite snack. It's pretty much a staple in our home to have tortilla chips & salsa. A splurge would be to have fresh guacamole. Yum!

6. I was born with only two bottom center teeth not 4 (go look in mirror...you probably have 4) I have the most difficult time getting my mouth numb with novocaine. I've stumped 2 dentists and at least as many oral surgeons.

7. I love business. I love to talk about business and entrepreneurial ideas. I love to know how things are made. I love to be creative in making a buck. I love to streamline processes. I love a good blue pen. I love cleanly shaven legs. I love the smell of my children's hair after it's washed. I love lilacs & tulips. I love my digital camera. I love fixing things & using my own tools. I love being prepared. I love a clean car. I love to learn something new. I love technology. I love using "....". I'm sill learning to love me.

8. I don't recycle. Nor is my city properly set up for it. I haven't done anything to help change it.
9. I often worry that I'm not a good enough parent. I often wonder if there is a litmus test to check such a thing. It is often a very black and white discussion I have with myself. I often say often too often.

10. I always cry in movies when a dad walks his daughter down the aisle

11. I love John Cusack and Zach Braff. The humor and sensitivity they portray seem to be a great combo.

OK, in hindsight, it wasn't so bad. 11 just to prove to myself that I don't have a limited amount of interesting things regarding me. That's so me...having to "prove" something. I think I clarified some stuff for me along the way. I hope you will try it...I hope you found one or two things of interest. If you are reading this, consider yourself tagged. I don't have the heart to pawn this pressure on anyone else. If you do your own Meme...please comment here with a link to it.

Happy 5th Birthday

2007-05-22T05:17:00.000-05:00

My Dear Sweet First Child....
I can't believe you are 5 years old. I don't know why 5 is such a big deal. Somehow it just is. So much has happened in this quick time frame. I'm celebrating too. YOU made me a Mom 5 years ago. What a special gift that was, and continues to be. I like to think I have taught you many things. You have taught me too. Although I have taught you how to walk, rationalize, question and more, you have taught me that my heart can get even bigger. You continue to amaze me with the questions you think up and the sweetness you have in you towards me, your Dad, your little brother. You have shown such compassion towards intangible concepts too like mother nature, infinity, G-d, love, heaven, death just to name a few. I was lying in bed last night trying to figure out where 5 years have gone. It seems like just yesterday we were bringing you home from the hospital and trying to figure out how to change your diaper without you peeing on us. I wonder how many diapers I've changed in these past years.

Although I sometimes feel extremely taxed by you and your brother, I can't imagine wanting it any other way. You see, being a Mommy makes me want to make you and your brother feel safe and feel like you are getting what you need in any given moment. I know that sounds like a tall order and believe me...it is. Sometimes I think you need to be more independent and that is the hardest need for me to fulfill. I want you to still be my first little baby and yet I want you to be sufficient and continue to trust what daring moves you can trust yourself to do safely. Lately those have been all connected to your new bicycle. I love watching how rugged you feel on your new bike. The training wheels have given you a sense of security that I sometimes wonder if I have missed in instilling in you. You like to show me how you can ride while standing up and sometimes while you ride you like to take your hands off the handle bars for a quick second. I'm certainly not ready for your training wheels to come off anytime soon. You also love to jump. Nana & Papa gave you a mini trampoline for your birthday. You make up all different jumps that include straight legs, spinning around, closing your eyes, arms up and sometimes you like to put all of them together. It is always so nice when you give your brother a turn. You gently hold his hand so that he can get down safely.

I'm a worrier... I worry that I'm not spending enough time with you. Is there even such a thing? Is it ever possible to spend enough time with you AND enough time with your brother? How do Moms of many more multiple children do it all? Last night, while I was thinking about you and how you've grown, I was trying to come up with ways for us to be together and play. PLAY...not my strong suit. I don't know why that is so difficult for me. My goal for now is to focus on letting you teach me about how to play. No agendas, not too much framework...just relaxed interaction. Somehow I was thinking that it needed to involve getting dirty in the back yard digging up worms or something. See, I feel like I need to map it out. I'm going to work very hard at not working so hard. I want to spend this summer with you, when you are not at camp, and do carefree things. Wouldn't it be fun to visit the beach, try gardening, make bubbles, swim, make/eat Popsicles, have a lemonade stand and throw water balloons? Those all sound like such fun and the makings of wonderful memories to add to those we've already collected.

You are getting bigger, taller and wiser. You can count to 100. You can count to 20 in Spanish and 10 in Hebrew. You are starting to read and spell. You make the most wonderful cards and you recently learned how to cut a heart out of a folded piece of paper. The wonderment of that was priceless. You showed me at least 7 just at breakfast alone and were very happy to announce that the leftover paper made a beautiful frame for another project. You love to fold. You told me the other day, when you were folding a towel, that, "When I grow up I can work in a store and fold clothes and things for the customer people." You are so delicious I can't stand it. You love to sing. We make up songs and you like to sing in your Jacob Made Up Language. The best part is when you try to teach me these songs. You love to dance too. I love it when I put on the music and we all dance together.

You seemed to have fallen in Love this year. A wonderful girl.."B". I think it's funny that you were infatuated with that letter a few years back. You often tell me that you are going to marry her and that she is "Your Love". You are disappointed when you can not sit next to her and are always eager to remind me that your wedding will be at 7:30. She is a wonderful girl and part of an awesome family...I'm so happy that you are happy but perhaps you could put marriage on the back burner for now.

As for a future profession, you've had lots of top pics...Never the traditional fireman, cowboy, policeman etc. that I normally associate with little boys. Sometimes you mention wanting to be a garbage man so that you can ride while standing on the back of the truck. Sometimes you want to be a "payer" (cashier) so that you can press all those buttons. However, you really give me run for my money when it comes to negotiating. Daddy and I often say that you will be a lawyer when you grow up. You always see a new angle to a situation and I hope that will serve you well one day. Right now, it's very exhausting. : )

We drive by a large police station on our way to school. You always have many questions regarding this facility. You constantly ask why they have a truck police car and when I ask you what you think they use it for, your most recent comment was, "Maybe a bunch of police people go to a play together at a theater". I just about fell out of the car. First, I have to commend you on always saying "people". Rarely do you say policeMAN or WOMAN. I find this very interesting. But the fact that you picked a play in a theater was so advanced. I love this creative thinking of yours.

Daddy is coaching you in TBall this year. You are a New York Yankee. It is so nice to see you guys have so much fun. He bought each of you a new mitt and a bunch of baseballs. Everyone comments on what a great swing you have. Although you say you are bored in the outfield...Daddy says that you guys are working on grounders and last week you said you had fun out there.

All in all I think you are generally a happy kid with a lot going on his head. You are always thinking, analyzing and measuring a situation. You are usually kind to your brother and I LOVE to watch you teach him new things and see how excited you get when he does something for the first time. You have a big heart and I love to see you grow, learn explore and teach. I love you so much from here to "affinity" (cuz you are just too cute when you can't say INfinity)

Happy Birthday my sweet first born.
Love,
Mom

Best Shot Monday

2007-05-21T06:55:00.000-05:00

We were asked this week..."What tangible object makes you feel like a Mother?" I was thinking about this alot, especially with my son turning 5 recently. I was getting very nastalgic and attempting to remember all the details of his first year etc. I decided that since I had the pleasure of growing and carrying both boys inside of me that their belly buttons were partly my skin. That is something we share that no one else can buy, wrap or package.

One Sunday night we started photographing all our belly buttons on a whim....I never knew I'd be posting them all here. Dad is here too because we wouldn't have these perfect belly buttons without him. If you are looking for something a bit more traditional...please check out this great neclace too.

And as always...check out other BSM here

Mixed Messages

2007-05-09T10:33:00.000-05:00

People often send out emails that remind us of yest er year. The remember when type. However, it occurred to me that our kids are getting really mixed messages as to today's inner workings and I can't help but wonder what type of "yest er year" content they will see in their future.

For example, I noticed that when my older son plays 'store' and 'cashier' that he often pays me for visiting his establishment. Which, by the way, doesn't sell socks. Anyway, I didn't think much of this in the past couple of years until he was helping me at checkout at the real store yesterday. I paid, as I usually do, with my debit card and selected cash back on keypad. AHA!, no wonder the poor child thinks he should pay me at the store. He thinks we get paid to shop and collect our groceries. This is so skewed. I tried to explain to him but he just got so intrigued in saying "cash back" that I lost stamina and let him have his almost 5 year old outlet of repetitiveness.

I'm already scared by the world we are leaving for our children. However, if, by chance, this world is around for them, how will they comprehend the workings of day to day life when all they do is push a button for their desires to be presented to them. How in the H_ _ _ are we supposed to expect them to understand patience when immediate gratification is available to them everywhere? I sometimes feel like I am fighting a losing battle. I'm still in it....still fighting and hope, everyday, that both my boys get a nice blend of the calmness of yest er year as well as the forward technology of tomorrow.

What kid needs R&R?

2007-05-07T08:13:00.000-05:00

Note: This photo was taken by my Big Brother

I love when spring feels like summer. This was one of those moments when I was able to really have fun with the kids and not worry about all the othe stuff we worry about. Trust me, it's no beachfront getaway but then that would make me worry about bathing suits and such so...This made me smile & relaxed and therefore...my entry for this weeks Best Shot Monday.

* I encourage you to click on the picture to see the larger version...it's bound to make you smile too.

Check out other BSM at Picture This

Say "UNCLE"

2007-05-03T10:05:00.000-05:00

My big brother just left from a 5 day visit with us. Here is a Top 5 list of things we all learned in his quick visit.

1. 2T long pants can be dubbed as clam diggers on a 4T child.
2. A yo-yo is a great toy for an almost 5 year old...NOT for one who is 1.5.
3. Whining is more irritating when it's visually annoying a NON parent.
4. Visitors who bring huge bubble wands are heroes to 5 year olds.
5. Having an Uncle to distract his nephews while you do something else is priceless.

We hope to see you soon Uncle P.

I'm BAAaak

2007-05-01T10:44:00.000-05:00

OK, OK, OK...I've been out of touch for a while. Thank you so much for the many email messages I received from many readers I didn't even know I had. Here is a little insight as to why it's been so long since my last entry.

...School Daze Life CRAZE...

Living in a big metropolitan city has lots of bonuses...You can always do or get what you want or need. In my city, there are lots of parks. We are fortunate to have a great residential area near the city stuff. However, if you want to educate your children....take a deep breath and clear your schedules and perhaps your credit cards. Notice I didn't say pick up and move to the 'burbs. The burbs have been a very last resort for our family. We love being able to walk most places and the thought of using the car for everything is enough to make me want to scream. Don't get me wrong. there is nothing wrong with the suburbs. I am a product of them myself. Although I often dream of the vast back yards and horizontal rather than vertical living that is available there, I still resign myself as a city girl. Ah, but then I went and had kids and decided that educating them might be a great idea. . . . here starts the problem.

Picking an institution to educate my children has been a 2+ year endeavor. Having been an educator myself I thought I had a good handle on what to look for in a school. In hindsight, I don't think anyone can be prepared for this monumental task. My husband and I had a few hurdles to get over. For example, we had to decide if we were ready to trust our cities public schools to teach our children? Do we need to find a private school to do the educating? If so, do we want the private school to be religiously focused? It took us some time and lots of school visits, aka missed work and schedule juggling. We visited school fairs and talked to lots and lots of parents both in this same process and those who've, excuse the pun, graduated from it. The only thing that is consistent with all these parents opinions is this....this process is really tough. Many also said, "It all works out somehow."

We applied to one school last year for Jr. Kindergarten and were rejected. It still boggles my mind to actually set myself up for such a feat but hey, space in a city is limited and someone has to draw the short straw. After the schools organized play date for my son and informal interviews with the admissions director and my husband and me - it was tough not taking this rejection personally.

This year we focused on kindergarten and decided to look into our local public school. It seemed as if the scores were improving steadily in the last couple of years. That was promising. Class size wasn't too big, but only guaranteed to be 32:1 or less. That is a lot of little kids with one teacher. Forget the fund raising....show me a school who doesn't need fund raising and I might just pass out. The demographics were pleasantly diverse and the thought of walking to and from school was heavenly. Low and behold, at the school visit, I learned that classes were often broken up into smaller groups and portions of the students were taught reading by the librarian or, at some schools, the gym teacher. I'm no Einstein but I'm pretty sure that the education for librarians and gym teachers does not necessarily include the fundamentals for reading. And, again, just by the numbers here...I don't see my child pulling the long straw on the individualized attention concept either. The public school is not a bad options, rather, for us, our second option.

In the eleventh hour I cleared my schedule and looked at one more private school - Religiously based. I've been to a few events that were organized by this school. I had always felt so welcomed and warm. This was a true light bulb moment for me. I knew that the parents participation and comfort in the child's learning institution was of utmost importance. Getting to know the administration and learning that some of our friends also sent their children to this school was very refreshing. This school has its own setbacks. It's locationally challenging - carpool a must. It's a newer school and we'd be slight guinea pigs. However, it's exciting to think about the aspect of helping to build a new institution. We went for it. We applied and waited. And Waited. Oh, and we waited. Then there was spring break so we waited some more. School visits to my sons preschool meant more waiting and then.... ... ...

After 2+ years of much struggle, anticipation and grief as to whether we were going to HAVE to move to the 'burbs.... after so many open houses for homes in both the city and the burbs that I've lost count...I got the call I'd been waiting for. "We would like to welcome you to our school. We'd be so pleased if you'd join our family". Music to my ears. "They'd be pleased?" They have no idea how pleased we would be to be welcomed to their family. So, we sucked it up. Paid the deposit and poof. We have a school. We have a means, in the city, to educate our children. We couldn't be more giddy with relief. I guess it all does work out somehow. Sometimes I have to pinch myself that this is all for Kindergarten.......I keep hearing, "No Child Left Behind". But this was close. What will happen when we need a high school or even a college. Hoping that process won't be as daunting is naive but even I am not sweating that yet.

Family Jewels

2007-03-26T07:30:00.000-05:00

BEST SHOT MONDAY
You didn't really think I'd take/post pictures of That....get your mind out of the gutter. Anyway, This is my first MOM jewelry. I always thought it would be painted macaroni but alas, the plastic jewels are just as treasured. My oldest made it for me, shared the story of the "pattern" AND he took the picture on one of our afternoon book store dates. I love it!

Check out other BSM at Picture This

Bad to the Bone

2007-03-19T06:38:00.000-05:00

Best Shot Monday - I'm not usually drawn to the "messy face toddler" picture but this struck me as a Flinstone moment. I kept hearing their son, "Bam Bam" in my head as my youngest took a liking to licking, nibbling and discovering a lamb chop bone. Although not mechanically perfect, fun none-the-less. Now if I could just figure out how to pick up my car and run...I'd be really ecstatic. **Check out other Best Shot Mondays at Picture This.

Blogging Material, if for Nothing Else

2007-03-14T22:54:00.000-05:00

I had to en dour the task of buying bras the other day. Having not purchased a new one since my younger son was born (a year & a half ago) I was more than overdue for replenishing such intimate apparel. This time frame is a perfect example of how I loathe such an errand. However, I'm really working at being better to "ME" so I sucked it up and made room in my schedule.

I went to the same family run business that I've been going to since I received that first training bra...even before I needed it. It's the perfect place to go if you are in need of any undergarment or bathing suit. They seriously have EVERY size color, clasp and solution you might ever need, want or wish for. They even have two options of dainty little heels with feather boas on the toes but I assure you that this is not that kind of place. This is also not the perfect place to go to if you are thin skinned regarding your body image. Having the selection they have for such items....everyone goes there and I assume many grin & bear it as I do.

Although they probably haven't placed one in many years, I would have to assume that this store's help wanted ad would read something like this:

Mature, very Mature, female wanted for intimate apparel sales associate. Applicant should have acrylic nails - well kept and painted with trendy color. Will also have beige or black orthopedic shoes and the ease to play at least 4 rounds of Jewish Geography with at least 2 generations. An uncanny ability to deviously insult customers while smiling and making customer second guess the insult is a must. Simultaneously handwriting sale while swiping credit card and manipulating cash register at a painful snails pace is a plus. We don't train...most likely, you are just this way. *Cold plastic tape measure will be supplied to the correct applicant.

I really don't mean any disrespect. I know that sounds silly, but that is JUST the way this store is. They have what we need and unfortunately, there is a bit of hazing to get it. I suppose, if my self esteem were stronger I would look to these visits as a rite of passage but alas, I'm just not that well adjusted.

Did I fail to mention that I'm an impossible fit? Oh yea, I walk all the way to the back of the store. Passing all the pretty rosebud colored panties. All the beautiful bikinis, all the feminine spaghetti strapped everythings and take a number, as if I were at a deli, so that one of the lovely aforementioned sales associates can go to the back room and fetch me some options.

I tried something new this visit. I made an appointment. Now, c'mon, have you ever made an appointment to buy a bra? My number was up, so to speak. I had the luck in that my associate was swift and basically non judgmental. So far so good. This impression was after she had hugged me while meeting her hands behind my back in order to pass the tape measure around both my girls and then again below them. I closed my eyes in horror and hope the moment passes quickly.

Without nearly a word or grumble, she left to go and fetch me some "options" and I sat in my 4x4 cubicle half dressed and listen to the other customers battle and survive their shopping experience. Across the hall, in the next cubicle, is a a customer who is also more mature. She is accompanied by her nurse/assistant. I hear her sales associate bicker with her regarding the green of the Chicago River this weekend. People will do ANYTHING to avoid discussing the fit of these items for sale. The conversation gets a bit huffy until the nurse/assistant puts a stop to all the crankiness and bursts both their bubbles. "The river is turned green by the use of orange dye", she informs the, and then changes the subject to requesting another size from the sales associate.

I sit and continue to wait for my sales person to return from the "booby back room" and my attention is now diverted to the mother daughter duo in the next fitting room. They are discussing how tight and short the mothers bathing suit should be and not in the good giggly kind of way. I quickly get bored by them and am surprised when I'm actually thankful my sales person has returned.

I always forget about the excessive "manhandling" that goes "hand in hand" (great pun if I do say so myself) with this experience. It's sort of like giving birth...you instantly forget all the icky stuff from labor. Anyway, I'm in the thick of it while I am told why this bra isn't right or how the seamstress, another character all together, could "make" it right. Saleslady shakes me while "adjusting" the garment to the point that I almost lose my balance. By golly she has done good. I'm almost impressed with her but not before I backpedal and try on 3 more choices. She leaves to take a phone call and I get a reprieve - my cell rings. I whisper, "Hi Mom, I'm in booby hell" Just by chance she is a few blocks away and with laughter in my voice I ask her if she wants to witness this brutality. Thankfully she obliges and I'm so thrilled to have backup enroute.

I sit longer than expected for Saleslady. I'm listening to the proud customer, 3 dressing rooms down from me, talk to her Saleslady. She uses a voice just loud enough for all to hear. She has the conversation I've dreamed of having for decades. And not just at this establishment. Y'know the...I've just lost so much weight and I need a whole new set of everything. Both salesperson and customer discuss the means by which the customer took to lose this weight. Saleslady gives the token job description jab "deviously insult customers while smiling and making customer second guess the insult". I'm secretly happy that customer has to deal with the same discomfort as the rest of us but also feel the angst that her discomfort would be more comfortable than my current situation. I'm elated to hear Mom call my name. "In here" I say, and in an instant I catch her up on all that has taken place.

Mom has been through this ordeal more decades than me and I tell her that for the first time I'm thrilled I don't have a daughter. To spare another human from this experience is such a gift. She gives me the tilted head, eyes closed, half nod. We both know she's right and that having a daughter to share all that she and I have shared would be a gift beyond belief but I can't let myself have that discussion with myself nor her at this particular juncture.

My Saleslady returns and I actually leave with 3 items. Two of which are for working out. The others are on backorder and I save myself the aggravation and the possibility of having to return to the store. My frugal self smartens up and decides to pay to have them shipped. Plus, I always like to see peoples facial expressions at work when they deliver a box that has SoANDSos Intimate Apparel written on it.

All in all it was a pretty good visit. Not the worst I've had. A few good laughs and then a nice lunch with Mom. If nothing else...It was an excellent experience for blogging material.

Best Shot Monday (but on Tues)

2007-03-13T20:57:00.000-05:00

Foreshadowing

This was such a simple concept but it was refreshing and fun. It is so rare that my husband and I have alone time with our youngest son. We were all giggles as he discovered the facinations of shadows.

Check out other Best Shot Mondays at Picture This

Wisdom of an ALMOST 5 year old

2007-03-08T05:26:00.000-06:00

While driving home from school yesterday my son and I watched the biggest snowflakes flit and fall to the ground. We were mesmerized and silent. He broke this moment of quiet with the most fascinating theory.

Boy: Mom, could you please press the button that takes us up to the top of the trees.

Me: What button honey?

Boy: Y'know, the button that makes the car go up to the tippy top of the trees. So that I can talk to G-d.

Me: (thoroughly eager to see where this goes) Sure, I think that button is right over.....here. (I hesitate and wonder if the hazard or the defrost are more the more appropriate button then I ask what he will do when he talks to G-d)

Boy: I want to ask him to ask Mother Nature to turn off the snow so we can see a little better.

Me: Ahh, gotcha. (totally amazed that I've helped to create such a wonderful sense of imagination and intrigue)

That is one powerful button. This must be an upgrade on the minivan I wasn't aware of...It certainly makes it seem well worth the pricetag we paid.

The Courage to Comment

2007-03-07T10:20:00.000-06:00

If you've read this blog you know that I'm not a skilled techy in the coolest sense of the word. Rather a nerd with aspirations. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I've looked, studied and searched all the other blogs out there...really. For about a year I compiled my mental list of what I liked and things I'd do differently while I lurked around other peoples courage to write some of their honest innermost thoughts...and some funny stuff too. I'm not sure I had the courage to comment in that year of collection. However, a month ago I took the plunge. I plodded and planned. I attempted to write creatively. I do it successfully some days and not so successfully others. I'm keeping at it though.

I've realized that my nerdy side enjoys seeing the stat counter. I actually get an adrenaline rush when it shows me the many hits I've had. I get even more excited when I drill down and see that they cam from all over the world too. China, London, Omaha. Y'know all the great places people travel. (or at least get their band connection from) Anyway, I'm then perplexed as to why so few or NO people leave comments. What is it about commenting that was so tough for me and is currently so difficult for my visitors? I see this type of post on many other blogs. It can't be the "shy" card. I believe there is an anonymous option on all posting software. Ease - c'mon it can't be that...the commenting field all but writes itself. Perhaps its just time. I do understand that. I guess I'll never really know.

What I'd like to know is this. Why do I let absolute strangers effect my Psyche so? I can't seem to let it go. The feeling of reasurance and "you matter" is another post all together. Probably many posts. Strange thing is, I can't even blame this feeling of being left out on my weight which is where I always place this discomfort. This blogging is very mysterious. I can't believe I'm being so absolutely honest....I hope you will be too.

A special thanks to Slouching Towards for her encouragement to write this.

**Now, I'm laughing because in the time it took me to build this post I've received two comments. Thank you "Your Blogginess"...I suppose some wishes were meant to be answered. Even if I didn't win $375 million in the Lotto.

The Perfect Shade

2007-03-06T09:03:00.000-06:00

I was getting ready to go out last night. While doing so, my older son was sitting on the counter in the bathroom. He loves to hold the hairdryer. I love when he doesn't burn my scalp. Anyway, I was at work all day and hadn't seen him and was happy to have this time together.

What I loved the most was that when he came into my room the TV was on. I told him that I'd love for him to hang out with me while I got ready so that we could spend some time together before I left. His baby blues popped open and said, "We can play", which initially broke my heart and then it quickly mended as I said, "OK, TV on or off?" He, without hesitation said, "off". We are not a huge TV family...especially the kids. (15-20 minutes here and there)

We had such a nice time just chatting about our days and getting caught up. He has always wanted to put on my makeup...I've always said no. I don't know if it is because I was nervous he might like it too much...which sounds totally ridiculous, he's 4...or if I was being so cranky and didn't want to clean up the mess. Or both. This time I was way more relaxed...perhaps from all of my recent working out. He was so careful to not only be gentle with the angle of each lipstick but in picking the correct shade. Times like these just make me want to give him more space to be a kid.

This kid thing is a short run and I was too quick to grow up. I think I actually avoided being a kid as much as possible. Sometimes I think I'm experiencing being a kid with my kids. It's fun and I find that when I give them the courage, trust and safety to be carefree...there is no friction when we have to change gears and transition to something else. THAT is a beautiful thing!

What have you learned from your kids?

Sammy, where's your TUSH?

2007-03-06T07:55:00.001-06:00

Sammy is so enamoured by finding all his body parts...just not in the most conventional way.

Isto - The Banana Song

2007-03-06T07:52:00.001-06:00

This song is infections...I warn you...you will be singing "Banana" all day" but I think you'll be smiling while you do it.

Best Shot Monday

2007-03-05T09:59:00.000-06:00

Purim time is here...Meet the KING!

AND ... his nemesis!

Check out other Best Shots at Picture This

Just a TEST

2007-03-03T13:28:00.000-06:00

**UPDATE** I DID IT...thank you LISA over at Midwestern Mommy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
AAarrrrgghhhh, I can't seem to get the TV version of the You Tube video here...any suggestions?

This is just a test to see if I can actually get a video to post here.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NhMLS1U7Zrw

I hope it works.

Support as it SHOULD be

2007-03-02T08:00:00.000-06:00

I had the recent opportunity to join someone at their "anonymous" meeting. It really doesn't matter which version of the 12-steps they follow just that they have found a way to commit to themselves. Tonight they earned recognition from their 12-step peers for keeping that commitment going for 12 years. 12 years of following their program. 12 years of turning around an unhealthy lifestyle they actually enjoyed, but couldn't justify any longer. 12 years of living a fresh & clean, day in and day out existence.

I didn't know any of the other 50+ members at this meeting. They were from all walks of life. Big, tall, heavy, thin, black, white, Asian, men & women. The destruction and battle they all shared was the same. They all understood each others pains, struggles and doubts. They all deeply cared about one another and knew where how those doubts manifested themselves. Some expressed being able to follow their program successfully for just this one day....others for 30, 60 and 90 days. The someone I accompanied had 12 years of magical growth, stamina and perseverance. I am so proud of them. I am so proud of every one of the people in that room who made a clear commitment to take steps to be the best person they could be.

It made me think...I should clearly re-commit my lifestyle changes to me. The support system that this group provided to each other was genuine. They didn't shake hands...they hugged. They didn't want to fix each other, they only wanted to make support available to each member as this was their grounding element to keep them on the right path. I'm so honored to have been able to feel and witness the support that fellow humans can give and receive. On one hand it's sad that I had to be reminded that that was a missing element in today's rushed world. On the other hand...What a wonderful concept support is. Trust me, whether it's hosiery, peers or family. We all need to be believed in and caught every now and again...supported!

This all reminds me of the idea that it takes a village to raise a family. This group of 12-steppers went one step further....they turned their battle around and continued to commit to "keep coming back".

Smothered...in a good way

2007-03-01T11:34:00.000-06:00

I knew being the kind of mother I wanted to be would take every cell in my being. I signed on the dotted line knowing full well that I didn't know what I was fully getting into. Including realizing that by being the mother of two, it would feel like I needed extra cells to cover every ones neurosis and insecurities, including my own.

My older son has been waking up around 4am lately. I've stopped the struggle with walking him back to his own room and getting him comfy in his bed because I have come to the realization that he needs this connection. I'm not fooling myself into thinking that it will be difficult to change this cycle...instead I'm praying for a morning when he will wake up, go to the potty and return himself back to HIS bed. I know I'm dreaming. I secretly LOVE this snuggling. However, yesterday, at 6:15am, my 1.5 year old woke up and I went to get him out of his crib, change him and then brought him into our, now, family bed. (I think I just won for longest runon sentence) The older guy climbed on top of me and made sure he took up ALL of me. If you know me, that's a Lotta momma. My younger guy sat as close to my head screaming until his brother moved an arm or hand so that he could get his piece of me. In the best sense of the word. Although I loved them fighting over being soothed by me I can't deny that my older son needs more of me. I'm trying to carve out time for he and I but he is making it clear that he needs more of me. Doesn't he know that I'm working on having less of me? If only it were that easy.

My mother has a perfect visual descriptions of this dilemma. It is a small statue of an egg with a bird on top. The bird is stretching its arms, legs, beak and all trying to cover and protect this too big egg. I always thought this was a cute statue. However, now I know exactly why it means so much to her....and now me.

Vanished...

2007-02-27T08:48:00.000-06:00

Ok, I know I'm relatively new here but I think a blogger has vanished. Has anyone seen Moma Says Ohm? Anywhere? I always check peoples blogrolls to see if she's listed and I can't find her. Perhaps she's changed her name? I don't know...so strange. If you see her...tell her I'm trying to enjoy her writing.

~~~~~ 3/1/07 - UPDATE~~~~~~

I found her... http://www.mamasaysom.com/ I never professed to being perfect speller. Her site is great - check it out.

Best Shot Monday

2007-02-26T08:49:00.000-06:00

This just makes me laugh. Not only was I able to stop in traffic in order to "safely" take this picture but I have to say that the sea of calm that has come over myself and my family is just mesmerizing...here's proof.
Check out other BSM at Picture This

Harry Potter or Backyardigan?

2007-02-25T14:46:00.000-06:00

Just Cutelicious

The waters of normalSEA

2007-02-24T21:17:00.000-06:00

I have to say that although I have always strived to be "normal"...it was never a place in which I was very comfortable. However, I think I graduated from the discomfort I used to live in. Today was picture perfect in EVERY way. Dear husband who usually works weekends recently was home, the kids were happy and I had a bit of spring in my step. DH made the yummiest french toast and then I mentioned I was heading to the gym...My oldest wanted to go and play in the kids room. My youngest and the hubby chimed in. We all got dressed and out the door we went...It was so normal. I got the kids settled into the playroom and although my youngest was screaming as I left I knew in my gut that he would stop in a moment and we would all be fine. DH went his way, I went mine. I switched on the itunes and I was in my own world. occaisionally I would check the TV with the closed circuit of the playroom...the kids were playing, smiling even. They were having a great time meeting new friends too. It was so normal. I scanned the sea of metal and movement to find DH. He was going strong and across the vast room we smiled and waved. As the sweat started to drip down my neck I actually started to cry...I felt normal. This is what young families do on the weekends. I did it...I'm actually enjoying it too. There was no fighting...just growth.

We enjoyed the rest of the day together. DH arranged for a sitter and he took me to a lovely new restaurant. We talked, and enjoyed our time together without the kids pulling us in 50 directions. We watched the snow dance to the ground and then we went to a movie. We were both so relaxed. All of this is so rare in our lives...this was so normal. I feel so luck to have graduated to enjoying where I am.

Fear

2007-02-22T11:15:00.000-06:00

Fear, you'd think that by now I'd be so comfortable with this sidekick of mine. I've learned all of his quirky habits. I've bowed down to all his desires. With 40 closing in fast I think I've found a way to kick most of him to the curb. A strange thing is happening to me now. I've turned down the volume on this evil bully. While following the laws of yin & yang the volume is being turned up on my soul. Wow, what an amazing friend my soul has been. She listens, she purposefully nudges, she sees reality, she teaches with only my intentions at the heart of the lesson. She pushes me when I need to stretch. I'm listening to my soul. I never thought I could feel so at piece ~~writing~~ believing in my soul...ME. I'm slowly realizing that I DO matter, I DO count, I AM worth feeling good just for ME. Such a simple concept. So many times I did it via a rote message. I can't believe how blissfully different it is when MY thought provokes a change rather than another persons epiphany.

I have struggled with my weight ALL my life. Recently, I've just been feeling achy and tired. I know my body is screaming at me that it can't do all the work - it needs me to do my share. I've always thought I've had an athlete living inside of me. I've coasted on the benefit of good genes and spiratic bursts of energy to fight this battle. All of that is coming to a screeching halt. I am afraid I'm going to die. Too Soon. Death is a fear I've had all my life too. It's a concept that could be easily interchanged with abandonment. I feared my parents death until about 2 months ago when I started on this journey to me. Somehow when I trust myself - I don't fear others leaving me. I'm trusting myself to take care of me.

I'm getting a clear and loud message from ME...I had a dream last night...it ended with me driving through a red light on a quiet street and down a hill to a stop sign. A car, facing the wrong way had two terrorist gunmen inside. No windshield, they open their jackets to show me two rifles and two long red plastic name tags hanging from their necks. My car is directly behind them. They look me straight in the eye. I slouch down behind the wheel of my car. I can't hide anymore....they fire, I know I'm going to die.

This dream, disturbing as it is has been, was a blessing to me. It has made me listen....I plan to keep listening for many years. Believe it or not, I DO believe I'm on a better path. I worked out this morning. Something I haven't done in 3 months. All the planets came into alignment and I wanted, no, I NEEDed to go to the gym and take care of ME. You have no idea what a new SOLID thought this was for me. It was as if my soul went into overdrive. I know better...I'll do better.

And, of course after all this ME, ME, ME talk I stray and fear and wonder how to spare my boys this pain. Perhaps, sadly, just their gender, in our society, will spare them most of it. I hope I fill in the rest.

And, I fear you will not keep reading this...Don't be afraid. This is so good, I'm just getting started with the honesty of myself. It's so nice getting to know me.

Damn glad to meet ME!

Make a Wish

2007-02-20T10:56:00.000-06:00

Sunday night I made chicken for dinner. A pretty basic non descript meal. We enjoyed it with friends and upon cleaning up I placed the wishbone on the window sill to dry. Last night, Jacob was sitting on the counter and saw the, now dry, wishbone. He held it and started telling me all the rules. First I had to close my eyes really tight and think of my wish. Then I had to open my eyes but watch him close his eyes to do the same. This was serious wishing work. Then he had a whole reasoning about how to hold the end of the bone ONLY. I was then informed that we had to check with each other BEFORE we counted to three. We checked, we counted, we pulled....It happened, y'know, what you don't, as a mom, want to happen...I got the "good, get your wish" piece. I so wanted this to be over. I so wish I had made spaghetti on Sunday. I headed to the trash with my side of the bone. (by the way, that always seemed so crazy to throw your wish away.) Anyway, don't you worry about my Jacob. He had a solution. He just asked for my piece of the bone so he could have his wish too. I love the innocence of childhood.

This made me wonder what he could have wished for. Was he wishing we didn't have to interrupt our three days together to go back to work & school tommorrow? Did he even realize we had an extra long weekend? Was he hoping he'd finally get to have a playdate with his friend "B"? Was he hoping to get the brownie he eyed all day before dinner instead of after? I guess I'll never know. He is becoming his own person everyday. It's fun to watch. I hope all his wishes come true.

AHhhh...

2007-02-14T21:24:00.000-06:00

Can't even remember the last bubble bath I had.

I have to say that Valentines Day ranks right up there with New Years Eve. It just doesn't make sense to me. Why do we need a calendar to tell us when to be romantic? Or, Why does, NYE have to be the most fun you have ever had in your life? Perhaps I'm just missing something. My husband and I decided, while staying home on New Years Eve, that this was going to be the year we actually schedule and take a full 3-4 day weekend, at least once each quarter, without the kids....It took some planning but we've succeeded with our first endeavor.

We've heard so much about this place that we were thrilled to find out that this was considered "off season" and perhaps it would actually work within our budget. I have to send out a big yahoo to my folks. They took both boys for 3 days and none of this would have worked without them.

We enjoyed a lovely 2 hour ride in the car with no traffic. Upon arrival, we stepped into the lobby and the stress immediately began melting from our shoulders. The front desk agents, called butlers, upgraded us to a suite. SWEET! We strode down the corridors and we felt like we had been transported to Switzerland. Gorgeous wood doors with rounded tops and sconces that were actually inviting. I never thought of noticing a sconce before but trust me, this was just the beginning of things I'd never noticed before. And then we saw it...our sweet suite. Wood trim framed the rooms, the bed had the most amazing mattress and then there was ...the bathroom. Aside from the toilet, there was no door. No door for the shower, the swimming pool of a bathtub or the sinks. Nope, the bedroom and the bathroom were one. It was the wildest thing I had ever seen. Amazing fixtures and sinks, faucets and jets. Ahhh, the tub jets were like stress erasers. The tub had a pillow that was actually comfortable and allowed the jets to massage your neck while your head was gently supported. UNbelievable.

The staff was amazingly attentive while not being intrusive. Our every questions or request was answered and met. We had amazing meals, phenomenal naps, loved the cozy robes and enjoyed the restful waters and a massage in the magical spa. Restful sound sleep never felt so good. I can't wait for next quarter...who knows where our travels will lead us.

PS - Don't get me wrong....this was an amazing trip, but I could have done without returning to 10 inches of snow shoveling though. Stay warm!

Best Shot Monday

2007-02-12T08:54:00.000-06:00

Sammy, my youngest, is getting bigger before my eyes. This picture just said, "I'm still a baby momma" to me. I love the too big, hand-me-down footy pajamas and the pudgy hand/forearm. I can't believe he's a year and a half. He's starting to give me a run for my money too. This easy going kid is learning the effects of NO from his big bro. Watch out world...
check out other BSM pics HERE

Fake Milk

2007-02-11T14:39:00.000-06:00

One of the most common discussions my husband and I have is,

ME: "How's the Milk...are we running low?"
DH: "I'll pick some up on my way home from work"

I swear, I'm about to buy a cow for the backyard. If I didn't think I'd have the same conversation about hay instead of milk I'd really think twice about it. That, and I haven't seen any cow pullups at Costco yet, but I'm always looking.

Anyway, when I was growing up, my Mom did a lot of parenting by herself. My Dad worked at an overachievers pace and though he helped when he could...going to the store on a whim wasn't his foremost skill. My mom was prepared for this struggle in many ways...never running out of milk was one of them. She ALWAYS had instant powdered milk on hand. I can recall many times when she whipped up a batch of milk. UNfortunately, I can also recall the contortions my face went into upon sipping this foreign liquid. I can so clearly remember her trying to convince my brother and me that it was, "the same as the milk we buy at the store." We weren't buying it.

Truth be told...I've become my Mother.

Yesterday, we too were out of milk...a Saturday, the one day a week where me and my boys stay in our jammies (when our schedule allows) and just hang out and play ...aka...NO RUSHING. Dad was at work and sippies were empty...what is an urban girl to do? I checked the pantry...thank goodness we made hot chocolate kits for holiday gifts last month...we HAD powdered milk. Would I?...Could I?...SHOULD I?

The bantering in the background elevated. My oldest started whining...I start sweating..."Mom, I'm thirsty."

I inform him that we are going to make milk. I must have been more like a Stepford wife than just plain smiling. I'm trying to make this the best experience ever...I even let him stir.

We sit at the table....His bowl, with the built in straw, gets filled with cheerios and his scoop of "Saturday Cereal".

Then it happens..... I Gulp

"Mom, this milk is GREY...and it smells funny."

I assure him that it's just the cereal and then poof...he bought it. He sucked down the whole bowl. DH brought home the gallon of moo juice that evening and all in our world was right again.

Hmmm...why buy the cow when your powdered milk sits in the pantry for free?

How It's Made

2007-02-08T12:41:00.000-06:00

There is a show on The Science Channel called, How It's Made. If it were not for my lovably geeky husband I would not even know this channel nor this show ever existed. However, I'm a concrete person. I want to know the details of whats going on. I LOVE to fix things, like my sons play cash register that we dismantled and rebuilt twice last summer. We are not a TV filled household. We are not TV aholics I should say. Nor are we extreme. Some family members don't own a TV so in our circle. we're pretty normal...I'm getting off track. Jacob enjoys a 15 minute show now and then and he is getting a bit to old for Noggin and Sprout. Although, I'm still in love with the Backyardigans. Anyway, This show, How It's Made, is a perfect blend between our love for tinkering and a short TV quickie. The 30-minute show explains how three or four different items in our everyday lives are made. Items like hockey sticks, bread, toilets, plastic bags, Aluminum Foil, Snowboards, Contact Lenses, Compact Discs, Mozzarella Cheese, Pantyhose, Fluorescent Tubes, Copy Paper, Jeans, Computers & Plate Glass just to name a few.

We've watched how golf balls are made about 5 times. Kinda makes me lovably geeky too I guess. I urge you to check it out, you might just find yourself with a growing toolbox of your own.

Customer Service

2007-02-07T12:15:00.000-06:00

I'm a stickler. I enjoy getting the 1950's customer service of our past. I just don't do well or act very lady like when dealing with the roboic overseas versions of what many companies now call "Customer Service". My favorite, most recent example, was face to face at Costco. For those who have the opportunity to shop at a Costco I don't have to explain. For those who don't..it's like a drug. Correction...a BIG drug. There isn't anything little about Costco. A friend was sharing her experiences with a recent Costco purchase...a crock pot. After she and I visited, I stopped at Costco and picked up the last one on the shelves. Got home. Opened it. Hmmm....don't know what happened but the pot and crock within this box was nothing like that of the one pictured on the box. So, I returned the item. Start the harps...Customer service took my phone number upon the return and actually followed up the next day by phone to let me know that their new shipment had arrived...Further arranged to have one waiting for me at the customer service counter along with the $10 off coupon that expired 2 weeks earlier. All this for little ole me? I felt like I won the shopper of the year award. Costco....You know how to treat your customers and by the way, you rock.

On the other hand...directv - You suck! No sense in boring you with the details of that companies lack of customer service but trust me, I'm not even looking for my Ritz Carlton background standards here...just a non-robotic, human life form to remotely fix a billing issue.

Security Blanket for the New Millenium

2007-02-06T09:03:00.000-06:00

My oldest son, Jacob has been having trouble going to bed and eventually allowing me to leave the bedroom. He has an uncanny way of using his very manipulative puppydog eyes and uttering the words..."Mommy, can't you stay and snuggle a little bit longer?" Ugh...it's what I love to hear and yet I wonder if I am creating a situation that I won't be able to reverse at a later date. Going to college with him will be fun but I'm not sure I'm ready for those roommates and late parties again. Anyway, last night I stuck to my guns in our newest concrete plan of 2 stories and snuggle for 2 songs. Usually when I'm through putting him down I go downstairs to clean up the kitchen and finish up in my office for the evening. While in my office, I received this pint size visitor with the gorgeous, puppy dog eyes of which I've mentioned. I lovingly explained the plan again and he returned, himself, to his bed.

To get to his bedroom, Jacob has to pass through the kitchen. On his way, he has to pass by the beautiful "charging station" I brokedown and purchased for the appendages that are usually attached to both mine and my husbands upper region. After finishing up my work I went upstairs and checked on the boys. And then I saw IT....my heart dropped immediately....Jacob was sleeping so sweetly, perfectly pink lips, not a nostril was dripping but resting there on his pillow was my cell phone. I started to cry and decided that this was his way of scraming at the top of his lungs....Mom, I need you, more of you and we might have to re-think this terrible plan of yours.

Best Shot Monday

2007-02-05T19:57:00.000-06:00

This BSM comes from Picture This . Sammy went sledding for the first time. Sledding, all talked up and whammy....no sled. So, I did what any good mother would do....improvise. This is a push shovel...I don't think he knew any different and my back was so thankful. Sammy sure loved that first taste of snow.

*Did I cheat? I hope not. I should confess that although this/these pics are not from this past week...they were taken on a monday. Geesh...I'm breakin' rules all over the place.

I Need Answers

2007-02-02T22:17:00.001-06:00

My 4.5 year old son asked me the greatest question yesterday.

Son: "Mom, where does love come from?"

Me: Wow, that's a great question...I think it's always in us. All around us. And, y'know what?...I have so much love for you that sometimes it comes bubbling right out of my ears.

Son: Hmmm (and then on to asking for our newest phenomenon...gum. Where does a kids love of gum come from? OY, more questions with again...no answers...Like should this still be in parenthesis? )

I need answers...where does love come from? Do you think they sell a "Where love comes from for Dummies?" I hope not, and I hope it's always bubbling inside of me.

I'm Quirky

2007-02-01T13:17:00.000-06:00

I wish I could say that I was quirky in a "cool" way. Y'know, like a person who wears vintage clothing and pulls it off with their "up to the minute, 1950s looking" eye wear. Instead, I border on type A personality with downright compulsiveness mixed with a dash of quirky. See that, I only get a dash, to kind of, but nearly misses at, rounding it all out, into being "cool" Anyway, you wouldn't even know I had these quirks unless I told you. The fact that they don't further define me into quirky cuteness proves that my quirkiness misses the boat of coolness.

For example: when I reheat something in the microwave...I never use the preset times. I always put in some quirky time of my own. Mostly 1:23 but not always. This is an example of me really living on the edge people. I'm working on it though. You'd be amazed at how much work I'm doing but that is many other posts. Light switches and screws...sounds like the title of some trashy airport novel or perhaps something one would find behind thick velvet curtains of a mom & pop video store. Nope, just me again proving how UNcute my quirkiness is. We have two panels of light switches in our kitchen. Both control the same lights from different doorways of the room. When we go to sleep, my husband and I head up the stairs and he, being one for appreciating my quirkiness and even seeing the cuteness in it, makes a concious effort to make sure that the switches match. Y'know, all up on one panel and all down on the other.

To further this idiosyncrasy, we had an electrician in our house at one point and he felt the need to tell me that it was city code for electricians to make sure all the screw grooves in electrical plates were lined straight up and down. Of course, after he left I walked around the house and made sure we had screws up to code for goodness sake. Feel free to check your own screws...you'll sleep better because of it.

I'm happy to say that I can sleep just fine if the the switches aren't up to code or even MY code for that matter. I'm fine if the microwave is reheating for just a boring :30. None the less, I just feel slightly more pleased with myself when things are done in my cute quirky way.

Reality of Motherhood

2007-01-31T20:12:00.000-06:00

My oldest son Jacob is 4.5. He is a walking, "WHY". Having been a teacher I thought I was well prepared for motherhood....I was SO WRONG. I'm now the mother of 2 delicious boys. My younger son, Sam is 1.5. Both keep me on my toes for very different reasons. I thought that the reality of motherhood would be when I started carrying Cheerios with me wherever I went. The Cheerios phase passed without nearly a mention, except for the plastic Pepperidge farm fish box that too frequently spilled all over the diaper bag or car. However, it still makes me pine for simpler times with my oldest. Honestly, the reality of helping to shape the mind of another human being is downright frightening.

Recently, our neighbor, a dear man, passed away. He was always good for a wonderful story and we were all quite fond of him. DH and I took Jacob to his house to see how he was doing. He was not the vibrant man we so recently knew...instead he was in a hospital bed with tubes and machines puffing and clicking around his bed while he lay half asleep. I'm so glad we went when we did because just a few hours after we left, he ~~passed away~~ died. I'm adamant about saying "died" only because as a teacher I remember being taught that when teaching life stages to young children, Keep it simple and straight forward. Wow, is that ever difficult. Jacob now has 10,000 questions about death, heaven, no mention of hell as of yet thank goodness, and when or why a person dies. We approached this subject a few months back when we discussed the passing of our 12 year old dog Calvin. Jacob was only 6 months when he died but thanks to many photos of them together, he has his own image of him. Anyway, he had many, "WHYs" for that discussion as well. I made it through while trying to keep a good balance of reality as well as not instilling fear in this life cycle. Last night I got the question of all questions....the one that sends you right to the front of the line of Motherhood Reality. Jacob asked me, "Mom, when are you going to die? Are you going to leave me?" Wow, I think I was cleaning the kitchen at the time and immediately I could picture myself actually asking my parents the very same question. I assured him that I wasn't planning on going anywhere anytime soon and that he shouldn't worry. Did I break my own honesty rule? Truth of the matter is I don't know when I'll "go". Tonight he asked me if Nana & Papa, my parents, were going to die soon. Ugh, reality stinks. He just kept the whys coming though...he moved right over to, "Mom, why can't I see my bones? and is my Stomach like a house?" I started into the whole scientific, keep it real, answer and a millisecond later he said, "OK Mom, goodnight." You have to love this age. Yes the "why's" are exhausting but he is so clever it amazes me and I'd hate to be the one to squash it. It's bound to happen at some point...I suppose I'd rather kick reality to the curb and keep the inquisition going.

myMOMtra

TWTW....

Do You Believe in Magic?

Shabbat Shalom

Memories (Picture This)

Well Done RH Girl

AbraCadabra....Woof!

the Mommy Ballet

Happy 2 Year Old Boy

BSM - FUN

Dear Mommy

BSM-Tickled

Summer Silliness

Table for 4 please...

Click your Heels

BSM Swingin'

Themed Thurs.-FLYING

BSM - CPA in Training

PMS & LIFE Make My Heart Hurt

BlogHer & the Fire Dept..

What a difference a DECADE makes

Time Out Harry Potter

Catching up to NEW

The Beach

GLEE

"muff " IN

8

I'm Good at ...

Wait for ME!

Some Assembly Required

Waking up to M*O*M

Chinese Freeze Tag - MEME

Happy 5th Birthday

Best Shot Monday

Mixed Messages

What kid needs R&R?

Say "UNCLE"

I'm BAAaak

Family Jewels

Bad to the Bone

Blogging Material, if for Nothing Else

Best Shot Monday (but on Tues)

Wisdom of an ALMOST 5 year old

The Courage to Comment

The Perfect Shade

Sammy, where's your TUSH?

Isto - The Banana Song

Best Shot Monday

Just a TEST

Support as it SHOULD be

Smothered...in a good way

Vanished...

Best Shot Monday

Harry Potter or Backyardigan?

The waters of normalSEA

Fear

Make a Wish

AHhhh...

Best Shot Monday

Fake Milk

How It's Made

Customer Service

Security Blanket for the New Millenium

Best Shot Monday

I Need Answers

I'm Quirky

Reality of Motherhood

Waking up to MOM