Ok, I know I'm relatively new here but I think a blogger has vanished. Has anyone seen Moma Says Ohm? Anywhere? I always check peoples blogrolls to see if she's listed and I can't find her. Perhaps she's changed her name? I don't know...so strange. If you see her...tell her I'm trying to enjoy her writing.
This just makes me laugh. Not only was I able to stop in traffic in order to "safely" take this picture but I have to say that the sea of calm that has come over myself and my family is just mesmerizing...here's proof. Check out other BSM at Picture This
I have to say that although I have always strived to be "normal"...it was never a place in which I was very comfortable. However, I think I graduated from the discomfort I used to live in. Today was picture perfect in EVERY way. Dear husband who usually works weekends recently was home, the kids were happy and I had a bit of spring in my step. DH made the yummiest french toast and then I mentioned I was heading to the gym...My oldest wanted to go and play in the kids room. My youngest and the hubby chimed in. We all got dressed and out the door we went...It was so normal. I got the kids settled into the playroom and although my youngest was screaming as I left I knew in my gut that he would stop in a moment and we would all be fine. DH went his way, I went mine. I switched on the itunes and I was in my own world. occaisionally I would check the TV with the closed circuit of the playroom...the kids were playing, smiling even. They were having a great time meeting new friends too. It was so normal. I scanned the sea of metal and movement to find DH. He was going strong and across the vast room we smiled and waved. As the sweat started to drip down my neck I actually started to cry...I felt normal. This is what young families do on the weekends. I did it...I'm actually enjoying it too. There was no fighting...just growth.
We enjoyed the rest of the day together. DH arranged for a sitter and he took me to a lovely new restaurant. We talked, and enjoyed our time together without the kids pulling us in 50 directions. We watched the snow dance to the ground and then we went to a movie. We were both so relaxed. All of this is so rare in our lives...this was so normal. I feel so luck to have graduated to enjoying where I am.
Fear, you'd think that by now I'd be so comfortable with this sidekick of mine. I've learned all of his quirky habits. I've bowed down to all his desires. With 40 closing in fast I think I've found a way to kick most of him to the curb. A strange thing is happening to me now. I've turned down the volume on this evil bully. While following the laws of yin & yang the volume is being turned up on my soul. Wow, what an amazing friend my soul has been. She listens, she purposefully nudges, she sees reality, she teaches with only my intentions at the heart of the lesson. She pushes me when I need to stretch. I'm listening to my soul. I never thought I could feel so at piece writing believing in my soul...ME. I'm slowly realizing that I DO matter, I DO count, I AM worth feeling good just for ME. Such a simple concept. So many times I did it via a rote message. I can't believe how blissfully different it is when MY thought provokes a change rather than another persons epiphany.
I have struggled with my weight ALL my life. Recently, I've just been feeling achy and tired. I know my body is screaming at me that it can't do all the work - it needs me to do my share. I've always thought I've had an athlete living inside of me. I've coasted on the benefit of good genes and spiratic bursts of energy to fight this battle. All of that is coming to a screeching halt. I am afraid I'm going to die. Too Soon. Death is a fear I've had all my life too. It's a concept that could be easily interchanged with abandonment. I feared my parents death until about 2 months ago when I started on this journey to me. Somehow when I trust myself - I don't fear others leaving me. I'm trusting myself to take care of me.
I'm getting a clear and loud message from ME...I had a dream last night...it ended with me driving through a red light on a quiet street and down a hill to a stop sign. A car, facing the wrong way had two terrorist gunmen inside. No windshield, they open their jackets to show me two rifles and two long red plastic name tags hanging from their necks. My car is directly behind them. They look me straight in the eye. I slouch down behind the wheel of my car. I can't hide anymore....they fire, I know I'm going to die.
This dream, disturbing as it is has been, was a blessing to me. It has made me listen....I plan to keep listening for many years. Believe it or not, I DO believe I'm on a better path. I worked out this morning. Something I haven't done in 3 months. All the planets came into alignment and I wanted, no, I NEEDed to go to the gym and take care of ME. You have no idea what a new SOLID thought this was for me. It was as if my soul went into overdrive. I know better...I'll do better.
And, of course after all this ME, ME, ME talk I stray and fear and wonder how to spare my boys this pain. Perhaps, sadly, just their gender, in our society, will spare them most of it. I hope I fill in the rest.
And, I fear you will not keep reading this...Don't be afraid. This is so good, I'm just getting started with the honesty of myself. It's so nice getting to know me.
Sunday night I made chicken for dinner. A pretty basic non descript meal. We enjoyed it with friends and upon cleaning up I placed the wishbone on the window sill to dry. Last night, Jacob was sitting on the counter and saw the, now dry, wishbone. He held it and started telling me all the rules. First I had to close my eyes really tight and think of my wish. Then I had to open my eyes but watch him close his eyes to do the same. This was serious wishing work. Then he had a whole reasoning about how to hold the end of the bone ONLY. I was then informed that we had to check with each other BEFORE we counted to three. We checked, we counted, we pulled....It happened, y'know, what you don't, as a mom, want to happen...I got the "good, get your wish" piece. I so wanted this to be over. I so wish I had made spaghetti on Sunday. I headed to the trash with my side of the bone. (by the way, that always seemed so crazy to throw your wish away.) Anyway, don't you worry about my Jacob. He had a solution. He just asked for my piece of the bone so he could have his wish too. I love the innocence of childhood.
This made me wonder what he could have wished for. Was he wishing we didn't have to interrupt our three days together to go back to work & school tommorrow? Did he even realize we had an extra long weekend? Was he hoping he'd finally get to have a playdate with his friend "B"? Was he hoping to get the brownie he eyed all day before dinner instead of after? I guess I'll never know. He is becoming his own person everyday. It's fun to watch. I hope all his wishes come true.
I have to say that Valentines Day ranks right up there with New Years Eve. It just doesn't make sense to me. Why do we need a calendar to tell us when to be romantic? Or, Why does, NYE have to be the most fun you have ever had in your life? Perhaps I'm just missing something. My husband and I decided, while staying home on New Years Eve, that this was going to be the year we actually schedule and take a full 3-4 day weekend, at least once each quarter, without the kids....It took some planning but we've succeeded with our first endeavor.
We've heard so much about this place that we were thrilled to find out that this was considered "off season" and perhaps it would actually work within our budget. I have to send out a big yahoo to my folks. They took both boys for 3 days and none of this would have worked without them.
We enjoyed a lovely 2 hour ride in the car with no traffic. Upon arrival, we stepped into the lobby and the stress immediately began melting from our shoulders. The front desk agents, called butlers, upgraded us to a suite. SWEET! We strode down the corridors and we felt like we had been transported to Switzerland. Gorgeous wood doors with rounded tops and sconces that were actually inviting. I never thought of noticing a sconce before but trust me, this was just the beginning of things I'd never noticed before. And then we saw it...our sweet suite. Wood trim framed the rooms, the bed had the most amazing mattress and then there was ...the bathroom. Aside from the toilet, there was no door. No door for the shower, the swimming pool of a bathtub or the sinks. Nope, the bedroom and the bathroom were one. It was the wildest thing I had ever seen. Amazing fixtures and sinks, faucets and jets. Ahhh, the tub jets were like stress erasers. The tub had a pillow that was actually comfortable and allowed the jets to massage your neck while your head was gently supported. UNbelievable.
The staff was amazingly attentive while not being intrusive. Our every questions or request was answered and met. We had amazing meals, phenomenal naps, loved the cozy robes and enjoyed the restful waters and a massage in the magical spa. Restful sound sleep never felt so good. I can't wait for next quarter...who knows where our travels will lead us.
PS - Don't get me wrong....this was an amazing trip, but I could have done without returning to 10 inches of snow shoveling though. Stay warm!
Sammy, my youngest, is getting bigger before my eyes. This picture just said, "I'm still a baby momma" to me. I love the too big, hand-me-down footy pajamas and the pudgy hand/forearm. I can't believe he's a year and a half. He's starting to give me a run for my money too. This easy going kid is learning the effects of NO from his big bro. Watch out world... check out other BSM pics HERE
One of the most common discussions my husband and I have is,
ME: "How's the Milk...are we running low?" DH: "I'll pick some up on my way home from work"
I swear, I'm about to buy a cow for the backyard. If I didn't think I'd have the same conversation about hay instead of milk I'd really think twice about it. That, and I haven't seen any cow pullups at Costco yet, but I'm always looking.
Anyway, when I was growing up, my Mom did a lot of parenting by herself. My Dad worked at an overachievers pace and though he helped when he could...going to the store on a whim wasn't his foremost skill. My mom was prepared for this struggle in many ways...never running out of milk was one of them. She ALWAYS had instant powdered milk on hand. I can recall many times when she whipped up a batch of milk. UNfortunately, I can also recall the contortions my face went into upon sipping this foreign liquid. I can so clearly remember her trying to convince my brother and me that it was, "the same as the milk we buy at the store." We weren't buying it.
Truth be told...I've become my Mother.
Yesterday, we too were out of milk...a Saturday, the one day a week where me and my boys stay in our jammies (when our schedule allows) and just hang out and play ...aka...NO RUSHING. Dad was at work and sippies were empty...what is an urban girl to do? I checked the pantry...thank goodness we made hot chocolate kits for holiday gifts last month...we HAD powdered milk. Would I?...Could I?...SHOULD I?
The bantering in the background elevated. My oldest started whining...I start sweating..."Mom, I'm thirsty."
I inform him that we are going to make milk. I must have been more like a Stepford wife than just plain smiling. I'm trying to make this the best experience ever...I even let him stir.
We sit at the table....His bowl, with the built in straw, gets filled with cheerios and his scoop of "Saturday Cereal".
Then it happens..... I Gulp
"Mom, this milk is GREY...and it smells funny."
I assure him that it's just the cereal and then poof...he bought it. He sucked down the whole bowl. DH brought home the gallon of moo juice that evening and all in our world was right again.
Hmmm...why buy the cow when your powdered milk sits in the pantry for free?
There is a show on The Science Channel called, How It's Made. If it were not for my lovably geeky husband I would not even know this channel nor this show ever existed. However, I'm a concrete person. I want to know the details of whats going on. I LOVE to fix things, like my sons play cash register that we dismantled and rebuilt twice last summer. We are not a TV filled household. We are not TV aholics I should say. Nor are we extreme. Some family members don't own a TV so in our circle. we're pretty normal...I'm getting off track. Jacob enjoys a 15 minute show now and then and he is getting a bit to old for Noggin and Sprout. Although, I'm still in love with the Backyardigans. Anyway, This show, How It's Made, is a perfect blend between our love for tinkering and a short TV quickie. The 30-minute show explains how three or four different items in our everyday lives are made. Items like hockey sticks, bread, toilets, plastic bags, Aluminum Foil, Snowboards, Contact Lenses, Compact Discs, Mozzarella Cheese, Pantyhose, Fluorescent Tubes, Copy Paper, Jeans, Computers & Plate Glass just to name a few.
We've watched how golf balls are made about 5 times. Kinda makes me lovably geeky too I guess. I urge you to check it out, you might just find yourself with a growing toolbox of your own.
I'm a stickler. I enjoy getting the 1950's customer service of our past. I just don't do well or act very lady like when dealing with the roboic overseas versions of what many companies now call "Customer Service". My favorite, most recent example, was face to face at Costco. For those who have the opportunity to shop at a Costco I don't have to explain. For those who don't..it's like a drug. Correction...a BIG drug. There isn't anything little about Costco. A friend was sharing her experiences with a recent Costco purchase...a crock pot. After she and I visited, I stopped at Costco and picked up the last one on the shelves. Got home. Opened it. Hmmm....don't know what happened but the pot and crock within this box was nothing like that of the one pictured on the box. So, I returned the item. Start the harps...Customer service took my phone number upon the return and actually followed up the next day by phone to let me know that their new shipment had arrived...Further arranged to have one waiting for me at the customer service counter along with the $10 off coupon that expired 2 weeks earlier. All this for little ole me? I felt like I won the shopper of the year award. Costco....You know how to treat your customers and by the way, you rock.
On the other hand...directv - You suck! No sense in boring you with the details of that companies lack of customer service but trust me, I'm not even looking for my Ritz Carlton background standards here...just a non-robotic, human life form to remotely fix a billing issue.
My oldest son, Jacob has been having trouble going to bed and eventually allowing me to leave the bedroom. He has an uncanny way of using his very manipulative puppydog eyes and uttering the words..."Mommy, can't you stay and snuggle a little bit longer?" Ugh...it's what I love to hear and yet I wonder if I am creating a situation that I won't be able to reverse at a later date. Going to college with him will be fun but I'm not sure I'm ready for those roommates and late parties again. Anyway, last night I stuck to my guns in our newest concrete plan of 2 stories and snuggle for 2 songs. Usually when I'm through putting him down I go downstairs to clean up the kitchen and finish up in my office for the evening. While in my office, I received this pint size visitor with the gorgeous, puppy dog eyes of which I've mentioned. I lovingly explained the plan again and he returned, himself, to his bed.
To get to his bedroom, Jacob has to pass through the kitchen. On his way, he has to pass by the beautiful "charging station" I brokedown and purchased for the appendages that are usually attached to both mine and my husbands upper region. After finishing up my work I went upstairs and checked on the boys. And then I saw IT....my heart dropped immediately....Jacob was sleeping so sweetly, perfectly pink lips, not a nostril was dripping but resting there on his pillow was my cell phone. I started to cry and decided that this was his way of scraming at the top of his lungs....Mom, I need you, more of you and we might have to re-think this terrible plan of yours.
This BSM comes from Picture This . Sammy went sledding for the first time. Sledding, all talked up and whammy....no sled. So, I did what any good mother would do....improvise. This is a push shovel...I don't think he knew any different and my back was so thankful. Sammy sure loved that first taste of snow.
*Did I cheat? I hope not. I should confess that although this/these pics are not from this past week...they were taken on a monday. Geesh...I'm breakin' rules all over the place.
I wish I could say that I was quirky in a "cool" way. Y'know, like a person who wears vintage clothing and pulls it off with their "up to the minute, 1950s looking" eye wear. Instead, I border on type A personality with downright compulsiveness mixed with a dash of quirky. See that, I only get a dash, to kind of, but nearly misses at, rounding it all out, into being "cool" Anyway, you wouldn't even know I had these quirks unless I told you. The fact that they don't further define me into quirky cuteness proves that my quirkiness misses the boat of coolness.
For example: when I reheat something in the microwave...I never use the preset times. I always put in some quirky time of my own. Mostly 1:23 but not always. This is an example of me really living on the edge people. I'm working on it though. You'd be amazed at how much work I'm doing but that is many other posts. Light switches and screws...sounds like the title of some trashy airport novel or perhaps something one would find behind thick velvet curtains of a mom & pop video store. Nope, just me again proving how UNcute my quirkiness is. We have two panels of light switches in our kitchen. Both control the same lights from different doorways of the room. When we go to sleep, my husband and I head up the stairs and he, being one for appreciating my quirkiness and even seeing the cuteness in it, makes a concious effort to make sure that the switches match. Y'know, all up on one panel and all down on the other.
To further this idiosyncrasy, we had an electrician in our house at one point and he felt the need to tell me that it was city code for electricians to make sure all the screw grooves in electrical plates were lined straight up and down. Of course, after he left I walked around the house and made sure we had screws up to code for goodness sake. Feel free to check your own screws...you'll sleep better because of it.
I'm happy to say that I can sleep just fine if the the switches aren't up to code or even MY code for that matter. I'm fine if the microwave is reheating for just a boring :30. None the less, I just feel slightly more pleased with myself when things are done in my cute quirky way.